SOUL DETOX
TOXIC EMOTIONS – Bitter Roots
“Bitterness
is like a cancer. It eats upon the host.” ~Maya Angelou
Types of
Trauma/ wounds
‘things’ done to you.. and.. ‘the absence of
good things’
Stats: 1 out of 3 girls and 1 out of 4 boys suffer
some sort of sexual abuse (these are reported – how many more go unreported!)
Pastor C’s
story.. my story.. your story… betrayal.. sometimes even greater pain involved
with the parent or other caregiver that does not protect you from the
perpetrator
Vengeance…
Pastor C… my story..
The root
of the problem… all of us in this room would agree that my bitterness was
justifiable. After what my uncle did and the harm and mess that was created
from this sinful man’s behavior. Of course.. we would all like to think that my
desire or anyone’s for that matter is not sinful.. right? Right.
However.. if we allow this desire to continue to be fueled by anger, it
turns into resentment and then a root of bitterness. This.. my friends.. ends
up poisoning us and eventually poisoning those around us as well. Bitterness
never draws us closer to God. It is nonproductive.. and is a toxic emotion
rooted from unmet needs. What were my unmet needs? What are yours that keep you
harboring bitterness?
Be on
guard for the root of bitterness! It works underground – no one initially sees
it or knows it is there. We can really fool ourselves and others for quite some
time but eventually…it starts to boil and it eventually poisons our hearts.
Be on your
guard. Bitterness can grow from a hurt that hasn’t been dealt with properly.
It’s not a sin to have emotions and responses to the wound.. however, if we
don’t handle the hurt properly, their sin becomes a catalyst for our own sin.
Then.. we won’t just be hurt once.. we will be hurt twice and over and over and
over again.
Poison
Spreads..
Pic of
poison ivy Ever have poison ivy?
Are you
moving deeper into resentment or.. moving closer to forgiveness?
In
relationships – the offender starts the problem…. But the one offended, if the
offender has genuine repentance and is working toward healing and
reconciliation, turns the shared problem/ offense into irresolvable heartache. Let’s talk about divorce… - what did Jesus
say about Moses’ day?
Pic of
redwood tree again..
Remember
what we discovered about the redwood trees a couple of weeks ago? The roots
connect to all the other roots from other trees and plant life surrounding it.
All roots, whether those of the redwood or other trees or the roots of
bitterness, sustain themselves by what they absorb and the direction they grow.
The absorb whatever moisture is nearby into their system. Clean water – strong
and health trees. Contaminated water – diseased & unhealthy. Same for
people/ us – the more we dwell on the hurt/ we absorb poison into our hearts
(contaminated water).
Roots also
go deep – some deeper than others. Sometimes the roots go so deep, it would be
difficult to remove the tree – not that we would ever want to. But.. the root
of bitterness we do.. and there will be times that it locks a person in place
and makes it hard for them to move forward in life. The roots can also multiply
and suck the life right out of us. In Matt 7:18, Jesus said “18 A
good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.” What makes the tree good or bad? The source
is often found in the root – a bitter poisonous root. Heb 12:15 in the NLT says
“
15 Look after each other so that none
of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of
bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
Bitterness destroys. Bitter deacons can split a church.
Bitter moms can poison the PTA/ room mother’s association. A few bitter teens
can ruin a youth group. Bitterness destroys families. It NEVER produces good
results.
Of course, the bitter person can justify and blame. But the
bottom line is… bitter people are always looking through the lens of hurt – all
bitter people can do is find fault. Unfortunately, they may even celebrate
another’s misfortunes. When something bad happens, they simply believe the
person had it coming. Some have even written off entire groups of people.. ‘all
women are…’ ‘all men are..’, ‘all
Christians are…’
Time to root out the root of bitterness… ever have to deal with dandelions in your
yard? Or that weird stinky weed – not sure what it is called but it totally
takes over your grass.
Pic of roto rooter/ weed kill
The only way to kill the root of bitterness if forgiveness.
Instead of the old saying ‘treat others the way you want to be treated’, lets
take it a step further and say ‘treat others as Christ treats you’ – so…
forgive in the same way Christ forgives you.
Of course we always want to have exceptions to God’s
command. God wouldn’t require me to forgive some so horrible as ____. Matt. 6:14-15 says “14 For if you forgive other people when
they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.(A) 15 But if you do not forgive others
their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.(
Perhaps the first step you need to take is that God would
give you the willingness to forgive regardless of your feelings and that He
would give you the willingness to at least begin the process.. because it truly
is a process..
~FORGIVENESS~
Why Don’t We Forgive?
1.
We believe that a mark of spiritual maturity is to forgive quickly. If we can’t, we believe: “I’m defective, not spiritual enough, a
failure – so why try?”
2.
Belief that if we still remember the event/offense, we haven’t forgiven.
3.
Belief that if we forgive, we are condoning evil.
4.
We forget how much we’ve been forgiven by God through Christ.
5.
We confuse forgiveness with reconciliation
·
Forgiveness is unilateral –I do it within myself – don’t need the other
person
·
Reconciliation is bilateral—it requires both people to be in the process
·
I must forgive—reconciliation is optional
What Forgiveness Is Not
1.
See Above: not to be confused with reconciliation
2.
Forgiveness is not politeness or tactfulness
3.
Not Diplomacy—negotiation, peacekeeping, mediation
4.
Not passive non-response (ignore it)
5.
Does not mean we must tolerate sin – be a doormat to another’s continual
sin. “You can forgive almost anything,
but if you tolerate everything someone does to you, you will make matters
between you worse. Sometimes there comes
a time when you must say to another – I cannot forgive you while this
continues. It must stop or I must get
out so that I can begin to forgive. We
must be intolerant of evil whether it happens to us or someone else!” From Forgive & Forget – Healing the Hurts We
Don’t Deserve By: Lewis Smedes
6.
Withholding it does not punish the other person; actually, it punishes
us.
7.
Not an act that happens instantaneously.
What
Forgiveness Is
1.
A process – God forgives in a single swoosh! …but…we are finite, temporal creatures for
whom almost everything takes time.
2.
A deliberate act of the will – purposeful, calculated, planned,
considered, intended.
3.
A full pardon – cancellation – let off the hook, absolve, Romans 12:19a
substitutional act – surrogate, alternate, replacement
4.
Obedience to God’s Word – agreement, submission, compliance
5.
An act of love – divine love
6.
It is the key to freedom
The Process of Forgiveness
– Steps
1.
Ask
the lord to reveal the names of the persons who offended you and the specific
wrongs you suffered.
2.
Face
the hurt and the hate. If you are going
to forgive from your heart, you must let God search the depths of your heart.
Note: If the word or topic of forgiveness triggers
fear or panic in you, you may have to stay right here on Step #2 for awhile –
grieve the losses. Deal with the
memories, the feelings.
3.
Acknowledge
the significance of the cross. It is the
cross of Christ that makes forgiveness morally right. Remember its significance for your own sin
and forgiveness.
4.
Decide
that you will not retaliate by using the information about the offender’s sin
against them. (Luke 6:27-34)
5.
Make
the decision to forgive – a conscious choice to let the other person off the
hook for specific wrongs suffered release the debt.
6.
Take
the list to God and pray the following as He leads: “I forgive _____(name) for
______(specifically--every remembered pain)”.
7.
Destroy
the list or do something symbolic (write a letter) that will remind you of the
step you took to forgive. Remember: your forgiveness is between you and God
unless the offender has asked for your forgiveness. Or……confrontation is involved.
8.
Do
not expect that your decision to forgive will result in major changes in the
other person. Instead, pray for
them. Matthew 5:44
9. Try to understand the people you
have forgiven. They may have been
victims also (don’t excuse the behavior – this minimizes the act – the depth of
forgiveness). Try to see the good in
them. Note: understanding them is not
always a precursor to forgiving as some believe.
10.
Thank
God for the lessons you have learned and the maturity you have gained by going
through this process. Freedom is the
result of forgiveness in you. In time,
you will be able to think about the people who offended you without feeling
hurt or anger.
11.
When
appropriate, accept your part of the blame for the offenses you
suffered. Confess your failure to God and to others
(1John 1:9) and realize that if someone has something against you, you must go
to that person (Matthew 5:23-26)
Mark Twain said: “forgiveness is the fragrance that the flower leaves on
the heel of the one who crushed it”.
Completed Forgiveness: When your
feelings have been transformed into a desire for the person’s blessing and
their change. When you can see the person who harmed you and not feel all you
felt before. When you are more concerned
about the person’s well-being and where he/she will spend eternity than about
the wrong that was done to you.
Stories –
SW – Pastor C: co-worker/ friend suicide
SOUL DETOX
– TOXIC EMOTIONS – Bitter Roots
GROUP WORK
Have you ever hung on to anger that
turned to resentment and then bitterness?
Share your experience. Are you
wrestling with bitterness right now?
Share.
“In relationships – the offender
starts the problem…. But the one offended, (if the offender has genuine
repentance and is working toward healing and reconciliation), turns the shared
problem/ offense into irresolvable heartache.”
RESPOND – THOUGHTS?
What are some of the ‘wrong’
teachings you have heard about forgiveness in the past?
Was there new information or any
‘ah ha’ moments from the material presented tonight? Share.
Discuss the importance of detoxing our anger, resentment and bitterness.
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