THE HEART AND SOUL OF MARRIAGE.L1- PERSPECTIVE

PUTTING MARRIAGE IN PERSPECTIVE-  INTRO. Lesson 1

THE HEART AND SOUL OF MARRIAGE 

CLASS EXPECTATIONS

8-12 WKS

assignments – most weeks – brief – not long

recorded – notes – blog: lillianlifecare.blogspot.com

various resources being used … small groups and/or couple time

Topics we will cover: Tonight starts Putting Marriage in Perspective, we will also have classes on – How We Love, Personality Types, Avoiding Ditches, Gender Lies, Investing in our Spouse – loving well, The Journey of Oneness/ Intimacy, Unpacking the Baggage, Relating Face to Face – conflict & wounds

OUR STORY 

Getting to know you

PUTTING MARRIAGE IN PERSPECTIVE

Whether you are here to enrich & strengthen, or find hope for a troubled relationship, what we will learn together and the tools you will walk away with, will help you on your journey toward intimacy and oneness.

Truths – Marriage….

-        reveals who we really are

-        it’s not about happiness

-        is being attacked – threats exist to hinder intimacy in marriage & the destruction of relationship

-        we cannot find the intimacy we long for without facing strongholds, entering into spiritual warfare & making a commitment to stay connected (connectors)

Marriage on the surface vs. Marriage below the surface:

Iceberg example

It doesn’t take long after the "I do’s" to realize that our expectations of marriage are a bit different than reality.

“Love is blind, but after you become married you will see again” – Polish saying

“When you have fire in your heart, smoke gets in your eyes.” – Russian saying  (kind of life love is blind)

When we face disappointment in our relationships… the walls begin to be built. The wall also represents unresolved issues that develop over time or… they could be walls be came into the relationship with from past hurts in prior relationships or our family of origin.  So… in order for us all to have healthy, loving, great relationships… we have to be willing to go beneath the surface (what people see) to what really is.

Let’s talk about facing reality.. facing he problems that may hinder intimacy and ones in a relationship.  (Brainstorm)  What are some of the problems that need to be identified so couples can get to a solution? :

   Ex:  money issues, communication problems, critical spirit, verbal/emotional abuse, anger, sexual, kids/ parenting differences, jealousy, avoidance/ passivity, infidelity, mistrust, control issues/ dominance, addictions, in-laws

Family of origin issues/ the past – 2 broken people trying to do healthy relationship = impossible – apart from each owning their issues and working on them individually as well as together

Challenge:  start right now in seeing the problem as the enemy – not your partner!  Together.. you can fight and overcome the enemy no matter what that is!!!!

Oftentimes.. the problem gets resolved/ healed when we identify its source and origin.. what is driving the behavior or attitude, etc. – sometimes… those core issues have a lot to do with unmet needs.

Basic Needs:

Physical, Emotional, Spiritual (Brainstorm)

Some basic needs for all people:

Security, to be loved unconditionally, to be #1 to someone, to be cherished, understood, safety, to be heard, respected, valued, feel competent, touch-physical intimacy, affirmation (emotional needs list)

Emotional Needs

Affirmation, affection, attention, acceptance, appreciation, comfort, encouragement, respect, security, support, understanding

Preparing for Our Journey of Intimacy

1.  We need to be fit – be responsible for your own condition first – you can only change you.  Luke 6:42

⁴² How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

2.   We need the right equipment – connector- with commitment

3.   We need an experienced guide – God, seek godly counsel if needed, the group, the Word, don’t ask just anybody…  Prv 15:22 ²² Plans fail for lack of counsel,
    but with many advisers they succeed.--  CAUTION

1.    We need a map – We get lost because: we don’t use a map, we trust our own instincts rather than a compass or map, don’t take time to study or prepare, rely on skills of the partner rather than joining them in the process and they may be totally off course. Prv 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;⁶ in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.^[a]

ASSIGNMENT

1.    Separately: to the best of your understanding, what are you doing that is fueling the struggles/ hindering the health you desire in your relationship?

2.    Write a short letter to your partner expressing your dream and desires for your relationship.  Bring it with you next week.  This is a kind of vision statement… what do you long to see your relationship look like?

Without a target… we get nowhere…  What are you aiming for?

Note: portions of these teachings are taken from "The Heart and Soul of Real Marriage" by: Bridge to Life Ministries