Extra
Grace Required!
Today we are going to wrap up the principle we have been
focusing on over the last few weeks: Evaluate
all my relationships. Offer forgiveness
to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except
when to do so would harm them or others.
The principle is based on two beatitudes from Matthew 5:7 & 9,
blessed are the merciful and blessed are the peacemakers.
We focused on specific steps for applying the principle to
our lives: (1) make a list of all persons
we have harmed and make direct amends whenever possible, except when to do so
would injure them or others and (2) make a list of all persons who have harmed
us and extend forgiveness to them, realizing this a transaction between us and
God and does not necessarily involve interaction with the person.
Each time I study this principle, I am surprised by a
subject that invariably arises: the
concept of grace. I expect to find a
very detailed ‘how to’ guide – and we have discussed some specific steps for
both amends and forgiveness – but this other topic of grace also plays a part
in this principle. Upon further
reflection, however, grace is an even more important ‘how to’ guide. The gap between knowing we should make amends
and forgive and having the ability to do so is enormous, even with a handy list
of detailed steps. And that is where
grace comes in – it bridges the gap between knowing the right thing to do and
actually being able to do it. So, let’s
explore the concept of grace.
What is grace?
Although the word is popular among the dinner crowd (saying
‘grace’ before eating), here are some more substantial definitions from various
dictionary and bible study reference materials.
God’s grace towards us
- Undeserved favor
- love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it, not because of anything we have done to earn it
- encompassing kindness, mercy, compassion and forgiveness
- favor, disposed to, inclined, favorable towards
- leaning towards … to share benefit
- freely extended to give Himself away to people
God’s grace is the foundation of our relationship with
him. God leans towards us and seeks a
relationship with us. He extends himself and reaches towards us
because he wants to be near us. The Cross
most readily provides the picture of grace.
Jesus came to earth and gave his life on our behalf – just so that he,
the Father and the Holy Spirit can be with us.
Ephesians 2:6-7 says, ‘And God raised us up with Christ and seated us
with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming
ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his
kindness to us in Christ Jesus.’
There is a free
lunch!
I am currently struggling with getting control of my mind
and taking all thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). God has impressed upon me the importance of
facing hurt and pain as it comes rather than pushing it aside and trying to
ignore it. One day recently I was faced
with a situation which brought a specific hurt to the surface of my mind. But, rather than dealing with the pain, I
turned on the TV for a night of avoidance.
Although I knew I should turn off the TV and talk with God, I simply
could not seem to bring myself to do it.
The next morning I heaped more pain upon myself by feeling guilty for
procrastinating. But God came in and
gave me an example of his grace. I was
feeling quite bad about myself – I still had the initial hurt to deal with and
now I had the guilt of having allowed my thoughts to wonder rather than bringing
them to Jesus. I certainly did not feel
worthy of being in his presence at that moment. But then he came to me. I did not ask for his comfort or kindness
because I knew I was wrong. But in his
kindness and mercy and desire to be with me, he gave me a strong sense of his
presence and how much he cared for me.
The wrong I had done was washed away in the sweet knowledge of his
accepting, caring presence with me. I
still would have to deal with the hurt, but he accepted me just as I was.
That is what I consider a ‘free lunch.’ I did not deserve it or think I could be in
his favor at that time. But I was. Without saying it specifically, his presence
showed me that he forgave and accepted me.
I did not earn it – I had not done the right thing. But he gave it anyways, as it says in
Ephesians 2:8, ‘For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and
this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one
can boast.’
We cannot earn God’s favor – he leans towards us and
willingly gives it to us. We could not
force him to do so, but he chooses to offer it free of charge. And that is what we are to do in our
relationships with others. First, we go
to God and offer him our willingness to make amends and forgive. And then, as appropriate, we go to
others. The other person does not need
to ask for amends prior to our making things right. And the other person does not need to ask for
forgiveness as a precursor to our extension of it to them. We are to lean towards them, and in pursuit
of healthy, God-approved relationships, offer our amends and forgiveness to
them. As God’s grace is freely given to
us, we are to offer the same free of charge to others.
Freely Receiving /
Freely Giving
Although God’s grace is free, it is still a gift, which
means it must be accepted. We can refuse
it or we can ‘approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may
receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need’ (Hebrews 4:16). The
first step to forgiving and making amends is to accept God’s grace toward us - his
mercy, kindness and forgiveness. His
grace then pours through us to others.
I recall a time when I brought a birthday present for a
friend. When I gave it to her, it became
immediately apparent that she felt guilty receiving it. She had not purchased a gift for me earlier
in the year and so felt unworthy to receive this one – she had not ‘earned’
it. She kept protesting and apologizing
and I finally had to tell her to stop.
Her refusal to joyfully receive the gift was robbing me of the joy of
giving. Who wants to give a gift
begrudgingly received? There is no joy
in that. I gave her the gift to bring
her joy, not to make her feel bad about her conduct. So it is with the kindness and forgiveness
God gives to us. He wants us to joyfully
receive it.
So also our extension of mercy towards others is to be
offered joyfully. And, although it is a
more pleasant experience if others receive it joyfully, we are not to expect
it. We can, however, expect God’s
pleasure as we extend our amends and forgiveness. And we can stand firm on the joy of giving
it. This is possible without involvement
with the other person. Remember that
this step is about obedience to God and doing the right thing in his eyes.
If God does lead you to go directly to the other person,
allow them to receive as they are able.
And do not expect anything from that person, as God does not expect us
to earn his forgiveness. Our amends are
not to be based on the person’s willingness to receive it. And forgiveness is not based on the other
person’s willingness to say, ‘I’m sorry.’
It may be harmful to the other person if you make amends for something
they do not realize you did. And it may
be harmful to you to offer forgiveness directly to a person who will not admit
their wrong-doing. But you can tell God
and another person that you have forgiven.
They will joyfully receive it – and you will be free from the harmful
effects of unforgiveness.
If you are struggling with this principle, you can practice
the principle of freely giving and receiving in smaller areas of your
life. You can accept gifts from others
with a grateful ‘thank you’, without including the typical ‘you shouldn’t have’
disclaimer. When someone says they like
your shirt, you can simply say, ‘thank you.’
You don’t have to say, ‘thank you but it’s so old,’ or ‘I got it on
sale.’
You can also give gifts without expecting a ‘thank
you.’ Many years ago I made a decision
to give gifts because I wanted to give them, not because I felt I had to. If I do feel that way, I work through it
until I become a cheerful giver or I don’t give at all. And I do not expect a gift in return or even
a ‘thank you.’ I do not keep track of
thank you notes or expressions of gratitude.
I give to bring that person joy, not to receive an expression of that
joy.
Sacrifice - Truth in
Love
Because God loves us and wants to be with us, he paid the
price for our sins and mistakes. He also
paid the price for the sins and mistakes of others. He sacrificed himself for our sakes. We, also, are to sacrifice for the sake of
others. We take this step to make amends
and offer forgiveness so that we can turn from self to God and others.
That requires seeing, accepting and speaking truth in love. Ephesians 4:15
says, ‘speaking the truth in love, (we) may grow up in
all things into Him who is the head, Christ.’
The text refers not to speech alone, but to the way we live – following
the principles of truth and of love for God and others. So, we sacrifice our pride by
confessing our faults and making amends.
And we sacrifice our selfishness by forgiving the debts others owe to
us. We accept the truth of the harm we
have done and the harm others have done to us, but we choose to focus on our
part in making amends or offering forgiveness.
God’s Power
When referencing grace as a character trait, some have
described it as a ‘virtue coming from God’.
As we accept his grace and determine in our hearts to give the same to
others, the grace we receive from God becomes the very power which supplies us
the ability to make amends and forgive others.
It is ultimately his work, not ours.
He supplies us with sufficiency that enables us to do good. 2 Corinthians 9:8 says, ‘God is able to make
all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all
things, may have an abundance for every good work.’ The New
Living Translation says it this way:
‘God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always
have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.’
Not only are we saved by the grace of God, we also serve the
Lord and live the Christian life by the grace of God. The letters of Paul often
speak of a blessing of grace for the believer.
For example, Romans 1:7 says, ‘Grace to you and peace from God our Father,
and the Lord Jesus Christ.’ Paul is
speaking to believers, to those already saved, but he recognizes that we need
grace to live the Christian life. We need
God's strength and sufficiency – and he will supply it.
Taking that verse in its broader context in 2 Corinthians
9:6-15, God is speaking to the Corinthians regarding giving an offering to
support believers in other parts of the world.
He speaks of being a cheerful gives (verse 7) and that God is the one
who supplies seed and bread and who multiples the provision (verse 10). God will do the same for you as you work this
principle. He will provide the grace
that enables you makes amends and to forgive, all in his timing.
Perhaps you are having a hard time with this step. That’s common to most of us and that’s
OK. God makes good use of our
inability. In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, God
said to Paul, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength
is made perfect in weakness.’
And Paul’s response was, ‘So I am very happy
to brag about my weaknesses. Then
Christ’s power can live in me….because when I am weak, then I am truly
strong.’ God supplies us the power, the
sufficiency to forgive and to make amends.
Just concentrate on the very next step.
He will walk you through it, one situation at a time.
Never-ending Grace
The great news about God’s grace is that it never ends. He has a never-ending supply of grace for the
daily messiness of our lives. And, in
turn, he supplies us with a never-ending supply of forgiveness and amends that
we can extend towards others.
But it is even better than that, when God forgives, he never
takes it back. An offense once forgiven
is always forgiven. We, also, are to
forgive once for all time for an offense. Once we offer forgiveness, we should
never threaten the person with withdrawal of that forgiveness. If we do, we most likely did not offer true
forgiveness in the first place.
The same applies to amends.
Jesus died once for all. It is
done. When we make amends, it is
done. We are not required to make amends
over and over again. If you find
someone requiring that of you, step back to explore what is happening in that
relationship. And if you feel the need
to continually make amends, you most likely have not comes to terms with your
offense and are hanging onto the guilt.
Once we are forgiven by God and have made amends as he desires, it is
over and we are to move on. If you need
some help in doing so, talk to a trusted friend or counselor and explore why you
cannot move on.
This step is worth the effort. I have one more definition to share with
you. A person of grace is characterized
by, affords and gives: joy, pleasure,
delight, sweetness, charm, and loveliness in all they say and do. That is the kind of person I want to be!
Group Work
- How do you define grace? Provide an example of how God has extended his grace to you?
- How do you think grace fits into the principle of making amends and extending forgiveness?
- How has God used your weaknesses and turned them into strengths?
- What does ‘speaking the truth in love’ mean to you?
- Share a time when you accomplished a task in God’s power and not in your own ability.
