Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Need a Speaker?

Speaking Engagements

LILLIAN M. EASTERLY SMITH, Author, Speaker, Counselor, Coach
I am available for speaking engagements in a variety of settings and venues. If you would like to have me speak at your church, conference, retreat, or other event, contact me via e-mail:
Thanks for stopping by and considering me for your event!


"In the twelve years I have known Lillian she has been a steadfast source of encouragement to the body of Christ.  God has used her unique combination of gifting and skill to bring healing to those who have struggled with a variety of issues. Her impact has been widespread. I would recommend her to any church or group that is considering inviting her to come and speak."  ~Rick Beemer, LPC & Former Associate Pastor, Ridgewood Community Church

 "I had the opportunity to meet Lillian and Mike Smith of LifeCare through Jasmund Outreach when they came on a missionary trip to Ghana West Africa in February 2012. Under the banner 'Breaking Free', Lillian spoke on issues which were very pertinent to the holistic development of the individual. These presentations led to a time of great inner healing of the leaders and youth present at the program. Lillian is a gracefully insightful communicator and her simplified approach to living in Christ leads to great freedom and joy. We really appreciate and are looking forward to having her come and be a blessing to us again." - Pastor Roderick Agyekum, Founder, Chairman Christ for Youth International, Ghana, West-Africa.
"I have had the privilege of knowing Lillian professionally for over ten years. She is a dynamic woman with exceptional foresight as well as grace. Lillian is an excellent speaker, not only because of her personality but she has a storehouse of knowledge both Biblically and practically. Without hesitation, I highly endorse Lillian for any speaking engagement when a quality person is desired." ~Dr. Gail Majcher Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist Author and Speaker

"I have worked with Lillian Easterly-Smith for over 12 years and never cease to be amazed by her faith and commitment to Christ's priorities in her chosen field of Care Ministries. With over 25 years of hands-on experience in the trenches, she knows her stuff! She relies on solid Biblical principles, perceptive human insight and her deep compassion to help others face and overcome life's hurts and hang-ups.  Lillian continually blesses others by using her innate ability to touch the heart of each one in her audience. I know; I have been privileged to be there. She offers God-given truths that encourage, inspire and motivate listeners to take the actions they need to move forward in life and closer to God."   
June M. Kenny
Kenny & Associates, Inc. 
"Empowering Christian Leadership"

"Lillian Easterly-Smith is a woman filled with Grace. She can see people at their WORST and genuinely love them anyway! She does it daily, in fact. She ministers to imperfect people with the love of a Perfect Savior. Lillian definitely understands real problems in people's lives and believes in God's Grace and Power for change. She walks the road with people and has wisdom for their true transformation.
~Pastor Sonny Hennessey,
Life Church
"Lillian’s messages come from a proven life; she lives what she preaches and teaches. As a speaker, counselor, mentor, writer, teacher, encourager, mother, and grandmother, Lillian has the unique ability to relate to people of all ages, nationalities, and socio-economic backgrounds. She has traveled abroad on various outreaches holding conferences and training leaders. Her passion for the Word of God, Jesus Christ and His people causes her hearers to be deeply challenged and inspired and their lives changed. I’ve had the privilege of sitting under her teaching, and I sincerely hope you get that privilege, too." -C. Yvonne Karl, D.Min
 "I have had the opportunity to witness Lillian's unique gift of public communication in a predominately female setting at an area organization. I have also seen significant growth take place in those she has led. Lillian clearly has the ability to engage listeners and guide them into new levels of wholeness."  ~Chris Lambert, President, Life Remodeled former Pastor, Ekklesia, Westland, MI

Speaking topics are as follows which can be adapted to a talk on Sunday morning at your church, a seminar, conference, workshop or retreat presentation:
  • The Fabric of Healthy Relationships
  • Healthy Spirituality
  • The lies We Believe/ Telling Yourself the Truth
  • The Call to Care
  • The Great Exchange - Is 61
  • Discipleship - Following in the Steps of Jesus
  • Making Peace with the Past
  • Who Am I? Finding our Identity & Significance in Christ
  • Stress Management & Self-Care
  • Fool-proofing Your Life
  • Addiction & Grace
  • The Technology Trap - Is it controlling you?
  • Boundary Power
  • Breaking Free
  • Healing from Life's Losses
  • Health & Wellness Topics
  • Healthy Holidays
  • Ingredients for a Happy Marriage
  • Inner Healing Prayer
  • Leadership Training & Development
  • Search for Significance
  • Self-Defense for Women: Training & Informational Topics to protect and support you for life
  • The Anger Trap

Audio of several teachings are available at www.Sermon.Net...   Video presentations will be available on this blog in the near future as well as our web site or simply send a personal request to:

Monday, April 13, 2015

The Mom Factor - Types - from GEW2 March.2015

Portions/ Info From the book:  "The Mom Factor" with some added commentary from me :-)   Sorry this is so rough but... at least you get the main points ladies!   God bless.

Types of Moms & their impact:
1.    The Phantom   Ps 22:9 “Yet you brought me safely from my mother’s womb and led me to trust you at my mother’s breast.”   without this kind of trust that comes from a mom that is not the ‘phantom’ there will be a lack of attachment.. page 25 themes…  Result: child cannot develop an attachment to his mother that fosters his/her emotional ability to become a truly relational person. Shallowness in relationship, aloofness, withdrawal, mistrust, hostility and aggression or… overvaluation of relationship – codependency/ people pleasing, negative relationships (abusive, etc). spiritual: trusting God, emotional: there is no expectation that good will come eventually.. because comfort and reassurance never happened from mom repeatedly.. read I hate you, don’t leave me – page 37…  Process of healing:  the problem isn’t that we don’t feel right. It’s that we truly aren’t right. Something is broken or undeveloped inside our heart and soul. Pain is always the sign of a deeper problem., much like a fever (thermometer) is sign of an infection.  Must get to the root…. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, a bad tree cannot bear good fruit……..  be aware of your pain – it leads to the root of the problem.
2.    The China Doll: Catastrophizing (simple things became a life-threatening issue), withdrawing (esp when child is emotional), over identifying, regressing (becomes a child herself), smothering & hovering, shaming, reacting in anger often   Impact: anxiety/ panic, clings dependently, gets enraged - difficulty managing emotions, deep depression, care-taking, withdrawal, career snags, life skills - choke on basic life decisions, rigid thinking styles
3.    The Controller – do not foster healthy independence, assertion of child’s will, intentionality (ability to initiate and follow through) and separateness (moving from ‘we’ to ‘I’). Child does not learn to say ‘no’ in a healthy way – boundaries. Struggle with identity – desires, dreams, opinions, likes and dislikes.   How do they control?  Mom gives silence/ ignore which is interpreted as abandonment, loss of love, rejection. She attacks/ expresses anger inappropriately. Being unaccepted is interpreted as “my individuality is the enemy, so I will destroy it” , another is a lack of healthy structure – things are unpredictable, unsafe, NOT secure. Impact on us:  inability to say ‘no’, we become controlling like mom – don’t understand freedom in relationships at all, fear of intimacy and commitment – maybe you finally feel ok about ‘you’ and you don’t want to lose ‘you’, codependency – it’s a boundaries problem – shouldering responsibility of someone else and getting hurt in the process, functional problems – can’t seem to take responsibility/ ownership for our life, tasks, talents and consequences, disorganization: it has always been done ‘for you’, delay of gratification – if everything has been done for you, you can’t persevere and keep going when it just doesn’t feel good or becomes hard to reach a goal, irresponsibility, emotional problems – there’s a lot of pain associated with being controlled and the damages done – depression, powerlessness, hopelessness, addictions and impulse problems, isolation, anxiety, panic, blaming.  
The way out:
Know your defining traits (get to know you)–
Extrovert or introvert, task-oriented or relationship-oriented, active or passive, review your family background and what you agree with, aspects you have adopted that are ‘not’ you, what do you like and dislike in friendships?, strengths, weaknesses, what makes you angry/ upset?
4.    The Trophy – mom can’t accept and deal with the “bad” parts of me. Breeds perfectionism. She denies bad behavior/ sin.. discounts feelings ‘you are not really sad/ mad”.. discounts behavior that is unacceptable to her “your bad grades aren’t your fault, it’s that horrible school.”…  this mom can create a narcissism and arrogance in the child..  child is actually forced to deny some realities about herself or take those realities to someone else besides mom.  Other specific symptoms/ results: hiding failure, shame, guilt, difficulty feeling close and safe with God.  Other things to help those coming from this mother in healing: confession, learn to love less than the ideal (in you and others), rework what the ideal is, accept failure, repent, pray a lot – the search for the ‘real’/ authentic self is definitely a spiritual one, respond positively to love, watch for fears and resistance to that love – embrace them, confess them to God and to others as you allow them to help you overcome.
5.    The Still-the-Boss – much like the controller…  this child becomes a ‘permanent child’..  if the adult child is unable to get the mom out of the parental role they desire.. they most often cut all ties.
6.    The American Express – the mom who never lets go. She loves being the first source of everything for the child and into adult life. Source of wisdom, discipline, friendship, teaching, values, and many more…. It is a satisfying and rewarding role for mom – however, it is supposed to end. She has difficulty preparing her child for life, and then letting go of the life she has created. Results of this kind of mothering: “mother me, please – how dare you mother me”, “take care of me, stop controlling me.” Adult avoids adulthood in many ways.. not growing up – being consumed with hobbies or fun and resenting responsibilities, if we get close to someone that is ‘mothering’.. we will abandon that person in reliving what should have happened with mother as a healthy separation, avoidance, care-taking, sometimes trouble managing life tasks – budgeting/ finances, insurance – figure out your own vacations not relying on mom and her purse $, do your own laundry, etc,  living out mom’s dream rather than your own, high codependency with mom.  How to break out: set boundaries by receiving favors, not needs, decide how you will help and receive help that is healthy, learn from your anger – you have some, find it and address it