Friday, December 10, 2010

BREAKING THE POWER OF THE PAST - PART 1

THE PATHWAY TO HEALTHY SPIRITUALITY - LESSON 9
BREAKING THE POWER OF THE PAST

Being healthy spiritually is about being in reality, not denial or illusion.  We are free to live joyfully in the present but it oftentimes means we must go back in order to go forward.  This part of the journey is probably one of the most difficult, but it is a HUGE part that has been missing in most discipleship.  In order to be spiritually mature, we must break destructive sinful patterns of our pasts to live the life of love that God intends.

Frank’s Story (listen to audio) – his life is like so many others in the church.  Many years of ‘being saved’ but not becoming ‘whole’.  Frank’s life example is like so many others we know or maybe we are Frank… and the only way out and forward is to go back.  

There are two essential biblical truths we need to go from here:
1.       The blessings and sins of our families going back 2-3 generations profoundly impact who we are today.
2.       Discipleship requires putting off the sinful patterns of our family of origin and relearning how to do life God’s way in God’s family.

The pathway to health and wholeness calls for these key biblical ingredients to be central in our understanding of what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ.  And it is one that has been overlooked for far too long!
Family in the bible more often than not refers to our entire extended family over 3-4 generations.  That means your family going as far back as the 1800’s at this point.  We are all certainly affected by external events in our lives and very powerfully I might add but.. the greater influence and most powerful effect comes from our families.

Think about things that have been going on through generations in your family.  What has happened in one generation often repeats itself in the next and following.  If not the ‘same thing’, it may be a varied form of it.  The actions and decisions made in one generation can affect all those that follow.. Powerful!

I asked you to think about your family.. what are some of the patterns that you very quickly think of:  is there a pattern of pregnancy out of wedlock?, rocky relationships, divorce, codependent patterns, addictions, sexual abuse, mistrust of authority, prejudice, etc…? Professionals who have researched patterns through generations are still out on the reason.  Is it ‘nature’ or ‘nurture’?  Meaning…  is this a course of nature – part of our DNA in the family or is it nurture – our environment or.. is it both?  I believe it is both.   Discuss examples:  adopted children – still become addicts even in a loving environment void of substance abuse (twins ex)..  Actually, I believe there is an added reason and that is 'spiritual warfare'.  I believe there are literally 'spiritual assignments' on families.  Satan has assigned evil spirits/ demonic forces to impact and influence families for generations.. we cannot discount the affect of spiritual warfare / evil on people/our families.  Therefore, there are 3 reasons:  nature, nurture and forces in the spirit realm.

The bible doesn’t clearly answer the question of nature vs. nurture but we do find some truth that supports the idea of dealing with generational issues.  Exodus 20:4-6

 4 “You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.
and it is repeated in slightly different words in Exodus 34:6-7 .. 6 And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, 7 maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.” And again we see this with King David in 2 Samuel 12:10.. God declared, “10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.                    
Family tensions, sibling rivalry, and internal strife marked his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren for generations!

Truth is:  many of these patterns of dysfunction are being played out in our families and many people are totally unaware.  It is not possible to erase the negative effects of our family history – even though we may try to deny it or bury it – only the truth – facing the reality of it has the potential of setting us free – with Christ’s power.

So what does the Bible offer us as it relates to examples of dysfunctional families and generational issues?  Many years ago I studied this topic and with a team of others, put together a workbook to be used in a support group setting to help people overcome some of their generational issues and hurts from the past. Since then, I have come across even more readings and educational resources on the topic.  The American Assn of Christian Counselors has a training course that goes deeply into this issue using Biblical examples and Pastor Scazzero included a few examples in his book.  First of all, let me ask you a question.  Do you come from a dysfunctional family? 
 
Of course you do.. we all do.. there are no perfect families or perfect people for that matter, therefore, there are areas of dysfunction in EVERY family.  Now.. can there be families that are pretty functional and pretty healthy.. sure!  How many are there?  Well… I am having difficulty finding many out there that are but that doesn’t mean this is a ‘bad’ thing… it just is… it is reality.. so.. we have to face reality. We all come from dysfunction, therefore, we all need to make peace with our past.. and even if it does not come from our family of origin, we all have pain and hurt that needs to be addressed so we can move forward.  We may have unresolved pain from our peers, teachers, other authority figures, etc.
Back to our Biblical support – the bible is full of interesting characters and interesting families - People we can all learn from.  The folks we will focus on right now will be Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.  Genesis relates the truth that sins and blessings are passed from generation to generation and how it works out.  Blessing came through Abraham for his obedience to his children – Isaac and then to his grandchildren – Jacob, and to his great-grandchildren – Joseph and his brothers.  At the same time, we see a pattern of sin and brokenness transmitted through the generations.  We see confirmation that more is ‘caught than taught’.

A Pattern of Living in Each Generation
- Abraham lied twice about Sarah 
– Isaac and Rebecca’s marriage was characterized by lies 
– Jacob lied to almost everyone; his names means ‘deceiver’   
- Ten of Jacob’s children lied about Joseph’s death, faking a funeral and keeping a family secret for over ten years..   Remember what we said a few classes ago about secrets?  We are as sick as our secrets!

Favoritism by at least one Parent in Each Generation
- Abraham favored Ishmael    
- Isaac favored Esau    
- Jacob favored Joseph and later Benjamin

Brothers Experience a Cutoff From One another in Each Generation
- Isaac and Ishmael (Abraham’s sons) were cut off from one another 
– Jacob fled his brother Esau and was completely cut off for years.     
–Joseph was cut off from his 10 brothers for over a decade.

Poor Intimacy in the Marriages of Each Generation
- Abraham had a child out of wedlock with Hagar    
- Isaac had a terrible relationship with Rebecca     
 - Jacob had 2 wives and 2 concubines

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF YOUR FAMILY
Most of us underestimate the power and influence of our family of origin.  Many want to dismiss any of the unpleasantries and just focus on the good stuff.  However, we must investigate all of our experiences in order to fully understand who we are and why we are the way we are.  There are some things that need to be changed in us and by understanding some of the verbalized and non-verbalized rules that came through our family, it enables us to begin to break some of the generational patterns and dysfunctions. 

I learned a long time ago that 3 of the unspoken rules in a dysfunctional family are:  1. don’t talk  2. don’t trust  3. don’t feel…    Here are a few other verbal and non-verbalized commandments/ rules/ teachings passed down by category that may exist (from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality):

1.    MONEY --  1. money is the best source of security  2. the more yo have, the more important you are 3. make lots of it to prove you ‘made it’
2.    CONFLICT – 1. avoid it at all costs  2. don’t get people mad at you  3. loud, angry, constant fighting is normal
3.    SEX – 1. is not to be spoken about openly  2. men can be promiscuous, women must be chaste  3. sexuality in marriage will come easily
4.    GRIEF AND LOSS – 1. sadness is a sign of weakness 2. you are not allowed to be depressed  3. get over losses quickly and move on.
5.    EXPRESSING ANGER – 1. anger is dangerous and bad 2. explode in anger to make a point  3. sarcasm is an acceptable way to release anger
6.    FAMILY – 1. you owe your parents for all they have done for you 2. don’t speak of your family’s ‘dirty laundry’ in public 3. duty to family and culture comes before everything
7.    RELATIONSHIPS – 1. don’t trust people – they will let you down  2. nobody will ever hurt me again  3. don’t show vulnerability
8.    ATTITUDES TOWARDS DIFFERENT CULTURES – 1. only be close friends with people who are like you  2. do not marry a person of another race or culture  3. certain cultures /races are not as good as mine.
9.    SUCCESS – 1. is getting into the ‘best schools’  2. is making lots of money  3. is getting married and having children
10.                     FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS – 1. you are not allowed to have certain feelings  2. your feelings are not important  3. reacting with your feelings without thinking is okay

We can all certainly add to this list.. begin to think about the verbal and nonverbal commandments about gender roles, physical affection, how our family viewed God, or other churches.  I learned a lesson in college from one of my professors who really influenced me: “Dr. C” – he always told us to ‘know what we believe and why we believe it’.  I have used this statement over and over in my life to challenge why I believe something and it has brought me into greater, more accurate truth about a variety of things in my life.  I no longer believe something just because that is what I was ‘taught’ growing up or.. followed in someone’s footsteps and believed what they believed.. instead, I have spent years discovering what I believe, challenged many of my beliefs, and still do by the way, taking them to God to bring revelation.. He shows me truth! 
Ponder your beliefs… ponder your family of origin.  Our history has shaped our current lives profoundly. Therefore, in order to go forward we MUST go back to break the power of the past!   Are you willing?

THE PATHWAY TO HEALTHY SPIRITUALITY - LESSON 9 – GROUP WORK
BREAKING THE POWER OF THE PAST

1.      Frank’s Story – share about any part of Frank’s story that you can personally relate to or have seen in other believer’s lives.
2.      Discuss the Biblical examples and support for generational issues being passed on in families.  What is your response to this?  What are the thoughts and feelings you have as it relates to these truths?
3.      Discuss the 10 Commandments of your family that were presented.  What other categories can you think of in your family of origin that had verbal and/or nonverbal rules?
MONEY: 
CONFLICT:
SEX:
GRIEF AND LOSS:
EXPRESSING ANGER:
FAMILY:
RELATIONSHIPS:
ATTITUDES TOWARDS DIFFERENT CULTURES
SUCCESS:
FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS



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