Agreeing with God
I attended a wonderful
seminar this weekend on breaking strongholds.
It was hosted by Lillian Easterly-Smith of LifeCare Christian
Center and Dan Hitz of
Reconciliation Ministries. I will
interject into this discussion a portion
of what I learned during the seminar because so much of it reminded me of
today’s topic, which is about stepping out of denial and into agreement with
God.
It is so easy to focus on
other people’s issues and problems, but it is much harder to be still and focus
on our own struggles. God tells us to
‘be still and know that I am God’ (Psalm 46:10), which is difficult in itself,
but how much harder it is when we don’t want to acknowledge the issues we
struggle with! Much of the busyness of
life that drains our energy can be attributed to running from ‘being
still.’ And when we run from stillness,
we are also running from God. It is in
the stillness that deep calls unto deep and the Holy Spirit can speak – and we
can hear Him.
Not facing our pain
interferes with our relationship with God.
Deep intimacy is not possible with someone who is hiding
themselves. When Jacob wrestled with God
in Genesis chapter 32, God asked Jacob his name. God was asking Jacob to reveal himself, to be
honest and open. Jacob told God his name
was Jacob. Jacob means “deceiver.” Jacob was being fully honest about who he was
and after that his relationship with God grew.
And in Old Testament days, a defeated enemy revealed his full name as a
means of surrender. Surrender to God - reveal
your full identity to Him by revealing the struggles in your life.
Could there be some things
that you do not even know you are struggling with? It has happened to all of us at some point in
our lives. The pain or discomfort is too
great to face the pain. We are masters
at ignoring the facts of our lives. Here are some signs and results of not
facing the facts:
- Disables our feelings – Perhaps you are not able to identify how you feel or you may have a perpetual ‘blah’ feeling.
- Energy lost – Are you always tired or drained? You may be perpetually busy with activities that do not refresh or invigorate you.
- Negates growth – A physical body cannot grow strong and build its muscles with a constant infection. The same is true of the mental, emotional and spiritual self. I have read that our emotional and social growth often stops at the age we started our denial. I have found that to be true in my own life. As I evaluated my social and emotion age and life skills, I found them to be much younger than my physical age. But once I started listening to God’s gentle conviction and following his path, I found myself growing and catching up to my age. I don’t think I’m my full age yet but I am much closer!
- Isolates us from God – As mentioned earlier, we control the level of intimacy we have with God. He is amazingly capable of total intimacy with each of us. But we must reveal our true self and let him in. 1 John 1:5-6 says “God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth.” So often we believe, and we may have been taught, that God will reject us if we admit our struggles to him. But the opposite it true. It is only when we admit our struggles that he can start moving towards us in healing and fellowship. God is truth and closeness to him means being in truth.
- Alienates us from relationships – Just like intimacy with God, intimacy with another person requires honesty and authenticity. Otherwise, it is two ‘shells’ talking to each other. And we cannot be authentic with another person if we are not first authentic with ourselves.
- Lengthens the pain – The main reason we ignore our pain is that we don’t want to feel it. Ironically, though, ignoring the pain only prolongs it! We all know that a physical wound must be healed for the pain to go away. The same is true of emotional, mental and spiritual wounds. Jeremiah 6:14 says ‘You can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there.” Even if you are successful at ignoring the initial onslaught of pain, it will reveal itself in other ways. It is similar to a person with a broken arm that does not have it set – they end up with limited mobility for the rest of their lives with that arm. What types of emotional, mental and spiritual immobility are you experiencing?
The logical next question
is: Are you ready to heal? Be honest.
After all, honesty is what we are talking about today. Here are some common reasons people are not
ready to heal, which are ultimately lies that we have embraced:
- Fear that the pain you feel will overtake you. Please remember that God will not give you more than you can handle. Although it is almost a cliché in Christianity today, it is nonetheless true. Ask God to help you trust him and to give you the courage to give it a try. 1 Corinthians 10:13
- Fear that your issues are too deep to heal. Again, a theme bordering on cliché is appropriate here: nothing is impossible with God. Ask God to help you believe. Mark 9:23-24
- Believing that God heals others but not you. A verse that has always seemed a bit sterile to me is actually comforting in this instance. Acts 10:34 says that God is not a respecter of persons. He loves and desires to heal each of us.
Although you may have
achieved a measure of success in your quest to ignore the pain, the fact is
that it still remains. Why not try
something new today – feel the pain in such a way that leads to healing. That is what stepping out of denial is all
about. It is about agreeing with God –
that we are hurt or that we have sinned or a combination of the both. Stepping out of denial is listening to the
conviction of the Holy Spirit and agreeing with Him. That is the better way. 2 Corinthians 7:10 says that ‘Godly sorrow
brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly
sorrow brings death.” We can continue to
feel the side-affects of our pain or we can take a step of faith and agree with
God that we need to change.
That is the road to
healing. It is a difficult road and it
takes courage. God said to Joshua
numerous times in the first few chapters of the book of Joshua, ‘Be strong and
very courageous.’ (Joshua 1.7) Remember
that you do not have to take those scary steps alone. God is with you and he has put safe people
around you to walk with you on that road.
Start identifying those people and interacting with them.
Not
sure where to start?
If you’re not sure where to
start in this process of determining if you are blocking some issues in your
life, here are a few questions to explore over the coming week:
- How did your family of origin deal with issues? Were they ignored? What was the response to you if you brought up a problem?
- Did your family have a ‘pink elephant’ in the room? Was there an obvious problem that no one was allowed to talk about?
- How did your family of origin deal with pain? Was it acknowledged? Where you allowed to express yourself or to cry?
- How do you deal with issues and pain today?
- Is there a nagging uneasiness within you or a recurring problem? Are you plagued by the same problems over and over again?
- Has someone directly confronted you with a possible issue? Did you consider their concern?
Start lifting the burden
today. God promises that ‘He frees the
prisoners…; he lifts the burdens from those bent down beneath their loads’
(Psalm 146-7-8). This is the first step
down the path of abundant living. But
God won’t force you. God is gentle and
kind. He lovingly works in us if we
allow Him, but He does not force his healing power on us. We can put up our hand to stop Him and He
will stop. But if we lower our hand, he
hears our cries and comes to our rescue.
Psalm 107:13-14 says, ‘They cried to the Lord in their troubles, and he
rescued them! He led them from their
darkness and shadow of death and snapped their chains.” May you start down the path of freedom
today.
In Jeremiah 30:17, God
promises, “I will give you back your health again and heal your wounds.” But first we must stand in the truth of what
our lives are really like. As it says in
Matthew 5:3: “Happy are those who know
they are spiritually poor.” Listen to
the conviction of God. Start considering
that you cannot control your sinful nature.
Romans 7:18 says “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my
sinful nature. For I have the desire to
what is good, but I cannot carry it out.”
That’s what knowing we are spiritually poor is all about – knowing that
we can’t, but God can. That’s walking in
the truth of who God is and who we are.
Group Work
- As a child, what coping skills did you use to get attention or to protect yourself? And how do you handle pain and disappointment now?
- In your family of origin, was there a ‘family secret’? How was it kept concealed?
- Share any signs or results of denial that you are experiencing now or have experienced in the past.
- Is there an area of your life that is unmanageable?
- Are you ready to heal? What is your reaction (physical, emotional, mental) when you think about starting the healing process?
- Are you starting to develop a support network of safe people that can walk with you in this process? If not, what steps can you take to do so?
- If God is bringing an area of denial to mind, would you be willing to commit to sharing it with a trusted safe person during the next week?
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