Sunday, July 7, 2013

Abundant Living.L22.Grace - with Robbie Sedgeman



 Extra Grace Required!

Today we are going to wrap up the principle we have been focusing on over the last few weeks:  Evaluate all my relationships.  Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.  The principle is based on two beatitudes from Matthew 5:7 & 9, blessed are the merciful and blessed are the peacemakers. 

We focused on specific steps for applying the principle to our lives:  (1) make a list of all persons we have harmed and make direct amends whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others and (2) make a list of all persons who have harmed us and extend forgiveness to them, realizing this a transaction between us and God and does not necessarily involve interaction with the person.

Each time I study this principle, I am surprised by a subject that invariably arises:  the concept of grace.  I expect to find a very detailed ‘how to’ guide – and we have discussed some specific steps for both amends and forgiveness – but this other topic of grace also plays a part in this principle.  Upon further reflection, however, grace is an even more important ‘how to’ guide.  The gap between knowing we should make amends and forgive and having the ability to do so is enormous, even with a handy list of detailed steps.  And that is where grace comes in – it bridges the gap between knowing the right thing to do and actually being able to do it.  So, let’s explore the concept of grace.


What is grace?
Although the word is popular among the dinner crowd (saying ‘grace’ before eating), here are some more substantial definitions from various dictionary and bible study reference materials.
God’s grace towards us
  • Undeserved favor
  • love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it, not because of anything we have done to earn it
  • encompassing kindness, mercy, compassion and forgiveness
  • favor, disposed to, inclined, favorable towards
  • leaning towards … to share benefit
  • freely extended to give Himself away to people
God’s grace is the foundation of our relationship with him.  God leans towards us and seeks a relationship with us.  He extends himself and reaches towards us because he wants to be near us.  The Cross most readily provides the picture of grace.  Jesus came to earth and gave his life on our behalf – just so that he, the Father and the Holy Spirit can be with us.  Ephesians 2:6-7 says, ‘And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.’

There is a free lunch!
I am currently struggling with getting control of my mind and taking all thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).  God has impressed upon me the importance of facing hurt and pain as it comes rather than pushing it aside and trying to ignore it.  One day recently I was faced with a situation which brought a specific hurt to the surface of my mind.  But, rather than dealing with the pain, I turned on the TV for a night of avoidance.  Although I knew I should turn off the TV and talk with God, I simply could not seem to bring myself to do it.  The next morning I heaped more pain upon myself by feeling guilty for procrastinating.  But God came in and gave me an example of his grace.  I was feeling quite bad about myself – I still had the initial hurt to deal with and now I had the guilt of having allowed my thoughts to wonder rather than bringing them to Jesus.  I certainly did not feel worthy of being in his presence at that moment.  But then he came to me.  I did not ask for his comfort or kindness because I knew I was wrong.  But in his kindness and mercy and desire to be with me, he gave me a strong sense of his presence and how much he cared for me.  The wrong I had done was washed away in the sweet knowledge of his accepting, caring presence with me.  I still would have to deal with the hurt, but he accepted me just as I was.

That is what I consider a ‘free lunch.’  I did not deserve it or think I could be in his favor at that time.  But I was.  Without saying it specifically, his presence showed me that he forgave and accepted me.  I did not earn it – I had not done the right thing.  But he gave it anyways, as it says in Ephesians 2:8, ‘For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.’

We cannot earn God’s favor – he leans towards us and willingly gives it to us.  We could not force him to do so, but he chooses to offer it free of charge.  And that is what we are to do in our relationships with others.  First, we go to God and offer him our willingness to make amends and forgive.  And then, as appropriate, we go to others.  The other person does not need to ask for amends prior to our making things right.  And the other person does not need to ask for forgiveness as a precursor to our extension of it to them.  We are to lean towards them, and in pursuit of healthy, God-approved relationships, offer our amends and forgiveness to them.  As God’s grace is freely given to us, we are to offer the same free of charge to others.


Freely Receiving / Freely Giving
Although God’s grace is free, it is still a gift, which means it must be accepted.  We can refuse it or we can ‘approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need’ (Hebrews 4:16).  The first step to forgiving and making amends is to accept God’s grace toward us - his mercy, kindness and forgiveness.  His grace then pours through us to others.

I recall a time when I brought a birthday present for a friend.  When I gave it to her, it became immediately apparent that she felt guilty receiving it.  She had not purchased a gift for me earlier in the year and so felt unworthy to receive this one – she had not ‘earned’ it.  She kept protesting and apologizing and I finally had to tell her to stop.  Her refusal to joyfully receive the gift was robbing me of the joy of giving.  Who wants to give a gift begrudgingly received?  There is no joy in that.  I gave her the gift to bring her joy, not to make her feel bad about her conduct.  So it is with the kindness and forgiveness God gives to us.  He wants us to joyfully receive it.

So also our extension of mercy towards others is to be offered joyfully.  And, although it is a more pleasant experience if others receive it joyfully, we are not to expect it.  We can, however, expect God’s pleasure as we extend our amends and forgiveness.  And we can stand firm on the joy of giving it.  This is possible without involvement with the other person.  Remember that this step is about obedience to God and doing the right thing in his eyes.

If God does lead you to go directly to the other person, allow them to receive as they are able.  And do not expect anything from that person, as God does not expect us to earn his forgiveness.  Our amends are not to be based on the person’s willingness to receive it.   And forgiveness is not based on the other person’s willingness to say, ‘I’m sorry.’  It may be harmful to the other person if you make amends for something they do not realize you did.  And it may be harmful to you to offer forgiveness directly to a person who will not admit their wrong-doing.  But you can tell God and another person that you have forgiven.  They will joyfully receive it – and you will be free from the harmful effects of unforgiveness.

If you are struggling with this principle, you can practice the principle of freely giving and receiving in smaller areas of your life.  You can accept gifts from others with a grateful ‘thank you’, without including the typical ‘you shouldn’t have’ disclaimer.  When someone says they like your shirt, you can simply say, ‘thank you.’  You don’t have to say, ‘thank you but it’s so old,’ or ‘I got it on sale.’ 

You can also give gifts without expecting a ‘thank you.’    Many years ago I made a decision to give gifts because I wanted to give them, not because I felt I had to.  If I do feel that way, I work through it until I become a cheerful giver or I don’t give at all.  And I do not expect a gift in return or even a ‘thank you.’  I do not keep track of thank you notes or expressions of gratitude.  I give to bring that person joy, not to receive an expression of that joy.


Sacrifice - Truth in Love
Because God loves us and wants to be with us, he paid the price for our sins and mistakes.  He also paid the price for the sins and mistakes of others.  He sacrificed himself for our sakes.  We, also, are to sacrifice for the sake of others.  We take this step to make amends and offer forgiveness so that we can turn from self to God and others.

That requires seeing, accepting and speaking truth in love.  Ephesians 4:15 says, ‘speaking the truth in love, (we) may grow up in all things into Him who is the head, Christ.’  The text refers not to speech alone, but to the way we live – following the principles of truth and of love for God and others.  So, we sacrifice our pride by confessing our faults and making amends.  And we sacrifice our selfishness by forgiving the debts others owe to us.  We accept the truth of the harm we have done and the harm others have done to us, but we choose to focus on our part in making amends or offering forgiveness. 


God’s Power
When referencing grace as a character trait, some have described it as a ‘virtue coming from God’.  As we accept his grace and determine in our hearts to give the same to others, the grace we receive from God becomes the very power which supplies us the ability to make amends and forgive others.  It is ultimately his work, not ours.  He supplies us with sufficiency that enables us to do good.  2 Corinthians 9:8 says, ‘God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.’ The New Living Translation says it this way:  ‘God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.’

Not only are we saved by the grace of God, we also serve the Lord and live the Christian life by the grace of God. The letters of Paul often speak of a blessing of grace for the believer.  For example, Romans 1:7 says, ‘Grace to you and peace from God our Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ.’  Paul is speaking to believers, to those already saved, but he recognizes that we need grace to live the Christian life.  We need God's strength and sufficiency – and he will supply it.

Taking that verse in its broader context in 2 Corinthians 9:6-15, God is speaking to the Corinthians regarding giving an offering to support believers in other parts of the world.  He speaks of being a cheerful gives (verse 7) and that God is the one who supplies seed and bread and who multiples the provision (verse 10).  God will do the same for you as you work this principle.  He will provide the grace that enables you makes amends and to forgive, all in his timing.

Perhaps you are having a hard time with this step.  That’s common to most of us and that’s OK.  God makes good use of our inability.  In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, God said to Paul, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’
And Paul’s response was, ‘So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses.  Then Christ’s power can live in me….because when I am weak, then I am truly strong.’  God supplies us the power, the sufficiency to forgive and to make amends.  Just concentrate on the very next step.  He will walk you through it, one situation at a time.


Never-ending Grace
The great news about God’s grace is that it never ends.  He has a never-ending supply of grace for the daily messiness of our lives.  And, in turn, he supplies us with a never-ending supply of forgiveness and amends that we can extend towards others.

But it is even better than that, when God forgives, he never takes it back.  An offense once forgiven is always forgiven.   We, also, are to forgive once for all time for an offense. Once we offer forgiveness, we should never threaten the person with withdrawal of that forgiveness.  If we do, we most likely did not offer true forgiveness in the first place.

The same applies to amends.  Jesus died once for all.  It is done.  When we make amends, it is done.  We are not required to make amends over and over again.   If you find someone requiring that of you, step back to explore what is happening in that relationship.  And if you feel the need to continually make amends, you most likely have not comes to terms with your offense and are hanging onto the guilt.  Once we are forgiven by God and have made amends as he desires, it is over and we are to move on.  If you need some help in doing so, talk to a trusted friend or counselor and explore why you cannot move on.

This step is worth the effort.  I have one more definition to share with you.  A person of grace is characterized by, affords and gives:  joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, and loveliness in all they say and do.  That is the kind of person I want to be!





Group Work
  1. How do you define grace?  Provide an example of how God has extended his grace to you?
  2. How do you think grace fits into the principle of making amends and extending forgiveness?
  3. How has God used your weaknesses and turned them into strengths?
  4. What does ‘speaking the truth in love’ mean to you?
  5. Share a time when you accomplished a task in God’s power and not in your own ability.

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