LIES WE BELIEVE – RELIGIOUS/GOD LIES (PART 1)
"Our minds are stuck in a rut, a pattern of thinking that is antagonistic to the will of God. Successful Christian lving depends on getting out of the rut and establishing another one that is characterized by biblical values and ways of thinking" ~Doug Moo
Listen to the audio for full lesson....
Lie #1 God's Love Must Be Earned
Overcoming it:
1. The Word --
Ephesians 2:8
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—
2 Timothy 1:9
He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,
He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,
Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
2. Community
3. Pay attention to how often God does loving things when you are not necessarily living your life properly
Lie #2 God Hates the Sin & the Sinner
Lie #3 Because I’m a Christian, God will protect me from pain & suffering
Being a Christian means more troubles for two reasons:
- we are asked to die to our selfish desires & live for God on HIS terms
- we will be persecuted for standing up for Christ by a world that rejects Him.
Both inescapable realities make it a difficult life to live.
Lie #4 All My Problems Are Caused by My Sins
#5 It Is My Christian Duty to Meet All the Needs of Others
“A good Christian never says NO.”
The Compulsion to Fix the Dysfunctional Family: Minirth and Meier tell us: "We all possess a primal need to recreate the familiar, the original family situation, even if the familiar, the situation, is destructive and painful" (Ibid., p. 65). Why would anyone want to recreate a painful situation? Because we are compelled by our unconscious minds that actually control (we are told) eighty percent of our decisions (apparently without our conscious knowledge; Ibid., p. 65). But why would we "unconsciously" choose to put ourselves through such pain? Consider the following three reasons given by followers of codependency:(a) We believe that if the original situation can be drummed back into existence, this time around we can fix it. We can cure the pain. We know we can! The codependent possesses a powerful need to go back and fix what was wrong; he must cure the original pain.
(b) We believe that we were responsible for the rotten original family; therefore, we must be punished -- we deserve pain. Codependents may actually be hooked on misery.
(c) We believe that there is that yearning for the familiar and the secure. Even if the past was painful, at least it was home.
Characteristics of Codependency
1. External reference. Codependents are focused on other people as the source of their happiness and/or pain.
2. Controlling behavior. Because other people are responsible for the codependent's happiness, codependents attempt to influence these others to act approvingly toward the codependent. Several strategies are employed:
a. People-pleasing. Doing what the' other likes or wants, even when the codependent does not feel like doing it or when it goes against his or her values.
b. Caretaking or enabling behavior. Doing for others what they can and should do for themselves. Taking over the responsibilities of others and lying for others.
c. Approval-seeking. Doing or saying what will impress others to gain their approval -- even if it means exaggerating or being dishonest.
d. Nagging and criticizing. If others cannot be influenced through people-pleasing, caretaking, and approval-seeking behavior, then the codependent attempts to influence them through shame and disapproval.
3. Emotional pain. Codependents are usually afraid of losing the persons upon whom they are focused. They also feel guilty about some of their people-pleasing and caretaking behaviors. They are hurt, angry, and resentful toward others because of the way these others treat them. They feel a sense of inadequacy and failure because they are frequently rejected. And finally, they feel very lonely.
4. Rigid defense system. Instead of openly expressing their inner pain, codependents distort this pain through defensive strategies that minimize the seriousness of their predicament. They deny and minimize their problems, attack those who question them about their feelings, blame others (such as the children) for their unhealthy relationship, rationalize and justify their situation, or simply remain silent about what's going on inside themselves. As a result of these defenses, codependents get no relief from their emotional pain and continue to accumulate fear, guilt, shame, and resentment. They are very miserable inside and frequently resort to addictions (food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, and so forth) to deal with this pain.
2. Controlling behavior. Because other people are responsible for the codependent's happiness, codependents attempt to influence these others to act approvingly toward the codependent. Several strategies are employed:
a. People-pleasing. Doing what the' other likes or wants, even when the codependent does not feel like doing it or when it goes against his or her values.
b. Caretaking or enabling behavior. Doing for others what they can and should do for themselves. Taking over the responsibilities of others and lying for others.
c. Approval-seeking. Doing or saying what will impress others to gain their approval -- even if it means exaggerating or being dishonest.
d. Nagging and criticizing. If others cannot be influenced through people-pleasing, caretaking, and approval-seeking behavior, then the codependent attempts to influence them through shame and disapproval.
3. Emotional pain. Codependents are usually afraid of losing the persons upon whom they are focused. They also feel guilty about some of their people-pleasing and caretaking behaviors. They are hurt, angry, and resentful toward others because of the way these others treat them. They feel a sense of inadequacy and failure because they are frequently rejected. And finally, they feel very lonely.
4. Rigid defense system. Instead of openly expressing their inner pain, codependents distort this pain through defensive strategies that minimize the seriousness of their predicament. They deny and minimize their problems, attack those who question them about their feelings, blame others (such as the children) for their unhealthy relationship, rationalize and justify their situation, or simply remain silent about what's going on inside themselves. As a result of these defenses, codependents get no relief from their emotional pain and continue to accumulate fear, guilt, shame, and resentment. They are very miserable inside and frequently resort to addictions (food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, and so forth) to deal with this pain.
5. Delusional beliefs. Codependents believe that the relationship is "not all that bad" and "will get better." Even after being abused many times by another, they think, "This time he really means it!" They also believe that eventually they will be successful at controlling others if they can find the right combination of enabling, people-pleasing, and approval-seeking behaviors.
6. Loss of self As a result of focusing on others, denying themselves, compromising their values, and holding their pain inside, codependents eventually lose touch with their own inner dynamism. This loss of self, in turn, moves them to focus more intently on getting other people to give them what they lack inside, mainly self-esteem and self-love. Because one person cannot give another self-esteem and self-love, the codependent's loss of self only intensifies.
7. Martyr complex. In an attempt to salvage a sense of self- worth, codependents sometimes view themselves as victims and martyrs. Lacking self-love, they use self-pity as a way to assuage their inner pain. When others say, "I don't know how you can live with him; you must be a saint," codependents feel validated as martyrs.
To be continued.... Part 2 .. Next week
GROUP WORK – RELIGIOUS/ GOD LIES
1. As you consider where your religious/ God lies have come from – where/ who do you believe you received your perception from the most?
2. Discuss the lies presented tonight and how you personally relate or do not relate to them:
#1 God's Love Must Be Earned
If you have believed this in the past, how have you or are you overcoming it?
#2 God Hates the Sin & the Sinner
#3 Because I’m a Christian, God will protect me from pain & suffering
#4 All My Problems Are Caused by My Sins
#5 It Is My Christian Duty to Meet All the Needs of Others
“A good Christian never says NO.” – Discuss the information presented on codependency. Characteristics, caretaking vs caregiving, was Jesus a codependent?
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