THE LIES WE BELIEVE - Religious/God Lies Part 2

LIES WE BELIEVE – RELIGIOUS/GOD LIES (PART 2)

Review from last week…

Lie #1 God's Love Must Be Earned

#2 God Hates the Sin & the Sinner

#3 Because I’m a Christian, God will protect me from pain & suffering

#4  All My Problems Are Caused by My Sins

#5 It Is My Christian Duty to Meet All the Needs of Others

 “A good Christian never says NO.”

        Review Characteristics of Codependency (audio)

Caretaking Versus
Caring For/ Caregiving

1. When I caretake, I assume responsibility for meeting the needs of others -- even those needs which they should meet without me.
When I care for, I do not do for others what they can and should do for themselves. I do for others what they truly need me to do.
2. When I caretake, I feel responsible for the feelings of others. If they are happy, I take credit; if they are sad, it is my fault.
When I care for, I recognize that my behavior affects others. However, I know that it is their reaction to my behavior that produces their feelings. Therefore, I do not assume responsibility for the emotional states of others.
3. When I caretake, I expect others to live up to my expectations "for their own good." If they do not do it my way, I get upset. When I care for, I make no demands of others. If their behavior goes against my advice, I do not become upset.
4. When I caretake, I often try to control and manipulate others into doing things "my way." If it turns out right, I can take the credit; but if it turns out wrong, I feel guilty or else blame others. When I care for, I do not control. I give others the freedom to make their own mistakes and experience no guilt or blame when they do.
5. When I caretake, I focus so much on the needs of others that I neglect my own needs -- maybe even lose a healthy sense of what my needs are. When I care for, I remain alert to my needs and consider meeting my own needs as important as meeting the needs of others.
6. When I caretake, I see others as an extension of myself.
Therefore, I do not really see them for themselves; I see them for myself. I have lost my boundaries in the relationship. When I care for, I retain a sense of my own boundaries. I can see other people for who they are in themselves.
7. When I caretake, I often feel tired, burdened, and resentful because so much of my personal energy is tied up in the welfare of others.
When I care for, I feel relaxed, free, and peaceful because I have more energy within myself.
8. When I caretake, I do not love others. When I care for, I truly love others.

NOTE -- Codependency should not be confused with unselfish acts of love – that is why the Holy Spirit must be our guide in giving/serving and evaluating of our motives.  DISCUSS

Melody Beattie, author of Codependent No More developed this check list:

Do you feel responsible for other people--their feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being and destiny?

Do you feel compelled to help people solve their problems or by trying to take care of their feelings?

Do you find it easier to feel and express anger about injustices done to others than about injustices done to you?

Do you feel safest and most comfortable when you are giving to others?

Do you feel insecure and guilty when someone gives to you?

Do you feel empty, bored and worthless if you don't have someone else to take care of, a problem to solve, or a crisis to deal with?

Are you often unable to stop talking, thinking and worrying about other people and their problems?

Do you lose interest in your own life when you are in love?

Do you stay in relationships that don't work and tolerate abuse in order to keep people loving you?


Do you leave bad relationships only to form new ones that don't work, either?

Was Jesus a Codependent?

Many would answer "Yes" based on the following characteristics of Jesus that are typical of codependents:

• Jesus was selfless.
• Jesus was a servant.
• Jesus gave up his life for others.
• Jesus cared deeply about people who were hurting.
• Jesus tried to fix hurting people.

All those characteristics fit Jesus; however, Jesus was NOT a codependent. He was able to care, sacrifice, give, love, and help in a healthy rather than a codependent way. Consider the following:

• Jesus was selfless by giving himself over to God's will but not the will of those he served. Even though he surrendered his own desires to God, he never lost sight of who he was (the Son of God) and what his mission was (to bring salvation to mankind). Codependents lose themselves and their purpose.
• Jesus was a servant, but he only did things for people that helped them to better themselves. His service was a demonstration of God's love that always pointed them to a better way. He wasn't a doormat, nor was he controlled by the demands of those he served. Codependents are driven by the demands of others.
• Jesus gave up his actual life for others when it was the appointed time. Prior to that even though he ministered to others daily, he took care of himself. He rested. He took time to nurture his relationship with God and his close disciples. He ate. And, he had boundaries that protected him when people tried to harm him prematurely. Codependents don't take care of themselves.
• Jesus cared deeply about the people who were hurting emotionally, spiritually, and physically and that concern propelled him to help. However, he didn't allow it to keep him from holding people accountable for their sin; therefore, he wasn't an enabler. Codependents concern for the hurting leads to enabling.
• Jesus tried to fix hurting people by offering them eternal life and the truth about God, but he didn't try to force them to accept it. When people turned him down, he allowed them to walk away because he respected their right to make their own choices. Codependents try to force people to do what they think is right.

So even though it appears that Jesus was the first Christian codependent, he was not; instead, he was a perfect example of how to care for others in a healthy way.

Take heart.. listen to the word of the Lord... the burdens you bear as it relates to relationships/ especially those that are unhealthy..
God's will and provision:
 

Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.