Green with Envy
“Envy is the
art of counting another person’s blessings instead of your own.” Harold Coffin
It could be argued that
envy started with Satan. Isaiah 14 says
that Lucifer envied God, rebelled against him and was cast out of heaven. Perhaps Eve was feeling envy toward God,
wanting his knowledge, when Satan tempted her into eating the forbidden fruit. Envy has been with us throughout our human
history and will continue to plague us until Jesus comes again to establish us
anew.
The literal meaning of the
Latin word ‘invidia’, from which we derive the word envy, is “to look upon with
malic or resentment.” Craig Groeschel, in his book, ‘Soul Detox’ states it this
way: “envy is when you resent God’s
goodness in other people’s lives and ignore God’s goodness in your own life.”
Let’s take a closer look at
envy’s impact on our lives.
Envy’s Fruit
James 3:14-16
tells us that envy breeds evil practices of all kinds: “But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do
not boast about it or deny the truth.
Such ‘wisdom’ does not come down from heaven but is earthly,
unspiritual, demonic. For where you have
envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.”
Envy festers in our hearts,
bubbling up in evil actions of all kinds.
The Bible provides many examples.
In Genesis 4, Cain envied God’s acceptance of his brother’s sacrifice
and eventually killed him. King Saul
tried to kill David when he became popular with the people of Israel (1 Sameul 18). Joseph’s brothers were envious of their
father’s love for him and sold Joseph into slavery. And the religious leaders of the day envied
Jesus’ popularity and had him crucified.
Proverb 14:30 says that “a heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the
bones.” And Socrates gave us a
graphic description of the harm that envy invokes: “Envy is the daughter of pride, the author of
murder and revenge, the perpetual tormentor of virtue. Envy is the filthy slime of the soul, a
venom, a poison which consumes the flesh and dries up the bones. It rots us like cancer from the inside.”
To escape the
destructiveness of envy’s grip, we must first recognize when we are envious and
then take steps to remove the envy and replace it positive attitudes.
Recognizing
Envy
The first step in
overcoming this stronghold in your life is to recognize your areas of envy. The list of things to envy is practically
never-ending, but one helpful way to identify our tendencies to envy is to look
at various categories of envy:
- Material – newer cars, bigger houses, better shoes
- Technological – more robust computers, smaller phones, bigger TVs
- Appearance - thicker hair, slimmer bodies, more muscles, fewer wrinkles
- Relational – desiring a spouse (or a better one), wanting a best friend, being closer with your children
- Life Circumstance – wanting a different or better job (or not to work) or to live somewhere else
- Spiritual – wanting someone else’ biblical knowledge, spiritual mentor or closeness to God
The advertising world
reinforces all of these items.
Advertising would not be nearly as powerful a sales tool if we did not
desire what others own. And if
advertising is not capitalizing on our envy, the communication industry is
filling in the gap. Movies, TV shows,
books and magazine not only advertise, but the underlying themes often tap into
our desires for a different life with different things or as a different person.
Digging out
the roots of envy
Comparison
The quickest and surest way
to rip envy and its destructive consequences from your life is to dig up and
destroy this one behavior:
comparison. Envy starts with
comparison. Instead of quietly going
about our own lives, we tend to ‘look over the fence’ to see what is in our
neighbor’s yard. In John chapter 21 when
Jesus was instructing Peter to follow him, Peter asked, ‘What about him,”
referring to John. Jesus basically told
him to mind his own business by saying, “…what is that to you…you must follow
me.” It’s such a temptation to be
concerned about what others have and do, but God tells us all to mind our own
business in Galatians
6:4-5: “Each one should test their own
actions. Then they can take pride in
themselves alone, without comparing themselves to anyone else, for each one
should carry their own load.”
So be on the alert whenever
you use ‘better than’ or ‘worse than’ in your thinking about others.
Coveting
But why do we look to what
others have or do in the first place?
Any number of reasons can underlie our tendency to do so, such as unmet
needs, dissatisfaction, discontentment and hard circumstances. But the bottom line is that we are prone to
covetousness. That fact is evidenced by
the 10th of the Ten Commandments in Exodus chapter 20. If God felt there was a need to specifically
point out covetousness, then we must be prone to it!
The same Hebrew word for
covet is translated ‘to desire’ in other verses. There are certain things that it is good to desire,
such as a closer relationship with God.
But there are also things which we should not desire. God helps us discern between the two in his
Word. Ever since sin entered the world,
confusion has spread regarding which things are good to desire and which are
not, but God clearly tells us that desiring what is not ours is harmful to us.
Jealousy
& Envy
There are a myriad of ideas
on the differences and similarities between jealousy and envy. I encourage you to study the two words on
your own, but here are some of ideas I found.
The definition of jealousy is to seek or desire
eagerly. That is very similar to
coveting except that coveting is focused on the thing we desire and jealousy focuses on the person who has
the thing we desire. They have
something we want, so we are jealous of them.
Envy takes it a
step further and we resent or wish harm on the person because they have the
thing we desire. One source said
that ‘envy is the propensity to view the well-being of others with
distress.’ It appears to be
progressively destructive. We begin by
desiring something that is not ours.
Then we see the person who has what we want and we become jealous. Then our desire turns into envy and we want
to take from them and keep for ourselves, which sounds suspiciously like one of
the other 10 commandments (stealing!).
It is a vicious cycle and can overlap on itself. But in the long run it doesn’t matter what
specific word we use to describe our negative emotions – they still bring
destruction and chaos rather than life and peace.
In some ways, though, the
word jealous has mistakenly gotten a bad reputation. Jealousy, when defined as ‘eagerly desiring’
is not bad in and of itself. It is how
it is directed. For example, it is a
good thing to be jealous of your good name and character. It implies that you are actively seeking to
maintain your goodness and that you guard it well with your actions. Another example is God being jealous (Exodus
20:5). The meaning in this context
implies a strong desire or zeal for something positive. This is similar for a wife or husband’s
desire for their spouse – they want no one to come between them because it
would harm the intimacy and closeness of the relationship. God wants an intensely intimate relationship
with you – so much so that he guards it against any intrusion that will
interrupt that closeness.
Envy
Substitutes
A time-tested method for
taking us out of ourselves is to focus on the good of others. Since envy involves almost total self-focus,
intentionally doing good for others can help us to climb out of the pit of
envy.
Giving Here’s an idea that is so opposite of what we
want to do when we are envious, that it must be from God. Who but God would give even more to someone
who already has ‘everything’? Although
it might not be true, it often feels like the person we are envying has everything. Often we envy people we don’t know well, or
we don’t know them well in regards to the particular area we are envying. Most likely, if we did, we would see there is
more to the story than appears on the surface.
So get to know the person and find out what they like and need and what
they are struggling with currently. Then
determine what you can do to help them.
You may be able to give them time, assistance, a listening ear or a
material item. Any act of giving will
help turn your heart from envy to caring.
Thankfulness
First, make the choice to
thank God for giving that person what they have and ask him to continue to
provide them blessings, regardless of what you think they need or deserve. Second, thank God for something that you
have. You can even make a list of your
blessings (of all kinds) and read the list as a thank offering to God for his
care. As you acknowledge what God has
done for you and thank him for what he has done for others, your focus becomes
less about yourself and more about God.
Joy
One of the most extreme
Biblical examples of envy versus joy is David’s relationship with King Saul and
his son, Jonathan. When God declared
David to be the rightful ruler, King Saul became bitter and envious, hunting
down and trying to kill David. Jonathan,
however, had become friends with David.
And even though Jonathan could have claimed the earthly right to the
throne as King Saul’s son, he did not.
Instead, he submitted to God’s desire and even helped David to escape
from the grasp of Saul. Romans 12:15
teaches us to ‘rejoice
with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.’ Jonathan rejoiced with rather than envied
David. As a result, King David spared
Jonathan’s son and had mercy upon him.
Who knows the harm Jonathan
could have brought upon himself if he had allowed envy to rule his heart. And who knows what blessings you are
bringing upon your own life when you choose joy. Try congratulating someone the next time they
receive what you wanted – whether it be a promotion, a material item or a
relational blessing.
Prayer
As with thankfulness, pray
first for the other person and then for yourself. It’s interesting that the following verse
combines prayer, thankfulness and joy: “Rejoice always, pray
continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you
in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians
5;16-18) But God also tells us
that if we are lacking something, to bring it to him in prayer. He understands our needs, our desires and our
struggles. Prayer is important because
no matter where you are right now – in want or in plenty – God’s greatest
desire is to be in continual communication and union with you. That is where comfort is found and where the
peace abounds…in his presence through a never-ceasing discussion with him.
Envy is not an easy emotion
to overcome. Look for the root causes of
your envy: do you have an unmet need, is
the person triggering a past hurt in your life, are you dissatisfied and ridden
with anxiety? Work with God to discover
the foundation of your envy. But while
you are doing so, try thanking, praying, giving and choosing joy. The stronghold of envy can be broken and when
it is, you will be content with all the blessings God has given specifically
and especially to you – because he cares for you.
“Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man
who takes refuge in him.” Psalm
34:8
Questions
- Talk about the different types of envy you see working in the relationships around you.
- Discuss the differences and similarities between envy, jealousy and coveting.
- Do you often compare yourself with others? Explain.
- Share a time when you have envied someone or someone envied you. How did it impact your relationship?
- What do you think is the root cause of your tendency to envy?
- Discuss the envy substitutes: giving, thankfulness, joy and prayer and how you could apply them in your current circumstances.
No comments:
Post a Comment