IDENTIFYING THE PROBLEM – Part 3
Symptoms 8 - 10
and...BEGINNING TO BRING TRANSFORMATION TO THE DEEP PLACES
It was a joy to co-teach this lesson with my wonderful husband, Mike Smith. Be sure to check back and listen to the audio which will be posted next week.
Matthew 9:12
“It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
One of the most remarkable features of the human condition is our capacity to pretend that we are healthy when our lives are in total chaos. We work hard to cover up our problems and flaws in our character. We will sacrifice almost anything to keep from facing the truth about ourselves. We work this hard to look good because we experience our human needs, limits and failures with deep shame - a shame that drives us to strive harder and harder to look better and better. We sacrifice our serenity, our relationships, our sanity on the altar of perfectionism. We also sacrifice any possibility of getting the help we need by continuing to insist that "we can handle it."
God does not ask such sacrifices from us. God has no need for us to be perfect. Jesus speaks to us gently but very clearly about this issue. He confronts our pretense, shame and perfectionistic striving. He says in effect "you do not have to sacrifice yourself in this way. You do not have to drive yourself like this. I desire mercy, not sacrifice. I want you to learn to be mercy-full to yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. It will free you to accept your need of healing. It will allow you to acknowledge your longing for me."
Jesus was saying "I did not come to pass out blue ribbons to the people who have all the answers and have worked hard to prove themselves. I came to bring hope and healing to people who know they need help."
We can stop shaming and condemning ourselves because God does not shame or condemn us. God knows our brokenness, our pain, our need. We can give up our attempts to prove ourselves and acknowledge our need for help and healing.
Our next symptom of unhealthy spirituality is:
8. Covering over brokenness, weakness and failure -
Here is an example of someone who is hiding.. someone who wears a mask…. MIKE - READ THE MASK.. (listen to the audio for The Mask)
Biblical Examples:
King David: Psalm 51:17 "the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise". The apostle Paul: 2 Cor 12:7-10 "His power is made perfect in weakness" "His grace is sufficient". And here are a few other Biblical heroes: Moses- murderer, Hosea's wife - prostitute, Peter rebuked Jesus, Noah - drunk, Jonah - racist, Jeremiah - depressed and suicidal, Thomas - doubter, Moses - anger/had a temper, Timothy - sick/ ulcers/ worrier perhaps? So... what's the message? All human beings regardless of their personality, gifting, and strengths have areas of weakness.. We all need God.. we all need one another! We are all deeply flawed and broken.. hiding it does nothing but keep us trapped and unhealthy spiritually! "we are as sick as our secrets" - hiding keeps us sick!
MIKE SMITH –9. Living without limits - when we consider this one.. we have to think about having the lack of boundaries, we are codependents oftentimes or we are enablers or enmeshed with others. Sadly... most believers believe it is selfish to take care of themselves. There is a HUGE difference between being selfish and practicing self-care.
Parker Palmer said "self-care is never a selfish act - it is simply good stewardship of the gift you have" -- the gift of life you have been given by God -- the gift of your body - let's talk about that for a minute -- I think this is where many Christians fail miserably whether that is a lack of exercise, eating properly, rest, or simply having fun and recreation.
1 Corinthians 6:19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;" We are expected to take care of the gift God has given us.
10. Judging other people’s spiritual journey - Sadly, we often turn our differences into moral superiority or virtues. We judge people for their music (too soft or loud), length of their hair, tattoos or no tattoos, piercings, what they wear, the cars they drive or work they do... we create never-ending groups to lump people together and then pre-judge them - that's prejudice.
Examples:
- artists and musicians are flaky
- engineers are cerebral and cold
- men are idiots and socially infantile
- women are too emotional and overly sensitive
- the poor are lazy or the rich are self-indulgent
I have to say something about the gender issue here... How about we all stop lumping and coming up with generalities for men and women and start focusing on our individual uniqueness. We are all different. And some of what I see and generalizations made for males and females have more to do with personality types than gender! Stereo typing only creates more harm and confusion. (example - clients I have seen who feel like there is something wrong with them because they relate more to the 'male' generalizations or the 'female'. I have actually had couples say.. well, we're kind of weird - I am more the man in the marriage and he's more the female - what!?) This needs to change!
Matthew 7:1-5 -- let's work on getting the 'blank/log out of our own eye
There are several different types of Christ followers in our churches… those who are ‘done its’, ‘doing its’, ‘don’t need its’… The ‘done its' feel that they have gotten to a certain point in their healing and growth and are satisfied.. perhaps they are at a place where it’s comfortable.. the pain and discomfort may be there but it is tolerable/manageable.. they are settling for where they are and not pursuing going any further.. perhaps that is ignorance or the deception of the enemy that has allowed them to buy into the lie that there just isn’t any more? The ‘don’t need its’ are those that are in denial.. they are stuck and don’t even know it…And then there are those of us (most in this room I’d say) that are the ‘doing its’… we are doing it.. pursuing more in God.. pursuing freedom, the abundant life – which really isn’t about comfort at all.. it’s about learning how to surrender and lean into God no matter where we are or what we are going through and in that leaning… we find peace, safety. We can do this because we get to a place of spiritual health.. one of the manifestations of spiritual health is trust!
So.. how do people end up in one of the other camps/ groups? Well… is could be because of a lack of information.. and that lack of information comes from poor discipleship. Most of us and others who are being discipled/ mentored spiritually learn to do the following:
§ Attend church each week for worship, the Word and be sure to participate in communion when it is offered
§ Have a quiet time/ devotions – preferably at the start of every day
§ Get in a small group, bible study, Sunday school class so you can have fellowship, study Scripture
§ Trust God by giving your tithes and offerings
§ Let Christ direct how you behave at work, home, school and all other relationships
§ Discover and use spiritual gifts – serve in the church
§ Evangelize – share Jesus/ invite others to church
§ Attend retreats, conferences, read books and listen to talks on cd/ your ipod
All of these are great steps to begin the journey with Christ yet, they are simply not enough – spiritual disciplines are good but they are not enough!
So.. what is needed? – Emotional Health and what Pastor Peter S, author of ‘Emotionally Healthy Spirituality’ calls contemplative spirituality. We will dig into this more deeply later and I will be deviating from some of what is taught in this particular book. This is where I believe I mentioned in one of our earlier classes that most of our churches have ‘missed the mark’ – we have gotten far too far at one end of the spectrum in knowing more ‘about’ God rather than having ‘encounters with God’/ deeply connecting with him/ having times of deep prayer that includes listening and sensing His presence. Step 11 in the 12 Steps is ‘sought through prayer and mediation to increase my conscious contact with God’.. it is this step with some added dynamics. Again.. there will be more on this later..
GROUP WORK - HEALTHY SPIRITUALITY - LESSON 4
IDENTIFYING THE PROBLEM – Part 3
BEGINNING TO BRING TRANSFORMATION TO THE DEEP PLACES
1. Share your experiences in wearing masks and covering over your brokenness.
2. In what area or your life do you have the most difficulty in setting limits and boundaries?
3. What are some of the prejudices you have had in the past or currently?
4. Discuss your discipleship experience. Did it include any facet of emotional/ mental healing?
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