THE BIG SEARCH - listen to audio version for details & information missing in these notes
Where do we begin?
If I asked those of you here tonight to raise your hand if you really like yourself – I believe very few of you would raise your hand. Sad to say but the research on this topic proves that Christians and non-Christians alike have great difficulty in this area of self-worth/ value/ significance.
Neil Anderson, well known Christian author and psychologist estimates that there are only about 8-15% of the evangelical Christian community is living a free & productive life in Christ (def – have meaningful devotions, experience God, know who they are in Christ, & are bearing the fruit of the Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience etc…..) How tragic!!!! – only 8-15% perspective 50 people - only 7!! Another stat that will blow you away.. research indicates that 95% of us dislike ourselves by the time we are age 7.. and.. 97% of Hollywood stars would change something about themselves if they could. This is so prevalent in our society that there is now a website you can go to and be whoever you want to me – enter into the fantasy world of secondlife.com
The research on this topic in the secular area of psychology concurs with Anderson’s findings…that very few people in this world get to a place they call ‘self – actualization’ – define..
Have you experienced identity theft? Experienced a self-worth /significance theft?... Perhaps you have been…
Robbed by Relationships? (negative/ destructive relationships)
Mugged by the Mirror? (we just don’t measure up)
Stolen by Success? (trying to earn it)
Pick-Pocketed by the Past? (hurts, bad choices)
Yes.. identity theft – robbed of our significance!!!
We don’t have to live a carnal, self-defeated, in bondage, kind of life – we can live a liberated, free, abundant life in Christ – a life of significance!! – we can be a people who live courageously for Christ!!!
My prayer for us tonight is a prayer the apostle Paul prayed in Eph 3:17-19 TLB "May our roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love: and may we be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep and how high this love really is; and to experience this love for ourselves, though it is so great that we will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last we will be filled up with God Himself!”
WOW! THAT’S SIGNFICANCE!
Summarize our goals for Tonight (4 T’s) – where are we headed? :
Utilize the
TELESCOPE of the Holy Spirit -- to look inside our hearts – take a realistic look at what we believe and who we think we are and who we really are.
TRUTH – seek, acknowledge & embrace the truth of what the H.S. reveals – don’t run from it.. avoid it, deny it.
TANGIBLE TOOLS – “real / concrete” tools to fight this battle & walk away with some practical steps to take on this journey to significance
Realize the TREASURE – discovery of who we really are/ who we are meant to be…...
if our emotional, spiritual, physical and relational needs have been met (discussed in prior weeks) – there has been no trauma or brokenness in your life – no absence of good things… Type A & Type B Traumas – …. You have developed wholeness/ health/ significance…
Some beliefs we have when we are experiencing wholeness are….
· I can do things. I can actually do some things well.
· I am accepted.
· I am loved.
· I have personality.
· I have value.
Define some terms for you to clear up any confusion you may have…
Self-Esteem - gained from what we do.. I can do things. I can do some things well
Self-Identity -– personality, likes dislikes, opinions, values
discuss Scripture that says I am crucified with Christ…I disappear?? Explain. No we reject compliments. can’t receive
Self-Image – How we think others see us (what is their perception of you?)
Self-Worth -- value. Significance
God-Esteem
How do you think most people would respond to the question: what is significance and where does it come from? Most couldn’t define it and they might say how they believe you get it…… “Being a good mom” ‘being a good person and doing good things” “making a difference in the world” “doing my job well and taking care of my family”
The world teaches us the following equation:
Significance/ Self-Worth/ Value = Performance (what we do) + Others’ Opinions (what others think or say about us)
God says something different.. in Psalm 8 (amplified version)
1O LORD, our Lord, how excellent (majestic and glorious) is Your name in all the earth! You have set Your glory on [or above] the heavens.
2Out of the mouths of babes and unweaned infants You have established strength because of Your foes, that You might silence the enemy and the avenger.(A) 3When I view and consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have ordained and established,
4What is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of [earthborn] man that You care for him?
5Yet You have made him but a little lower than heavenly beings], and You have crowned him with glory and honor.
6You made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet:(B)
How could we possibly get to a place of believing this… and how about what He says in Ps 139..
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; and you know me.
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
Where do we begin? How do we change? How can we get this.. whole deal of significance right?
First , we have to utilize the…
I. TELESCOPE of the Holy Spirit – what is a telescope? “grouping of lenses that permit observation” – we want to give the HS permission to look inside our hearts – to observe our present & our past – to search us. -- (verse we used last week) Ps 139 vs 23 & 24 is our prayer for today – let’s say it together “Search me, O God and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you/ makes you sad, and lead me along the path of everlasting life
-- anything in me that offends You/ makes you sad…pretty easy for us to realize and say –find the stuff that offends you isn’t it.. some of us in this room have been taught that the evidence of true humility in a person’s life is to think of yourself as ‘lower than worm sweat’.. Old hymn.. “o Lord what a worm am I”…. LIES! – something that we may not have thought about is that the lies we believe – offend a Holy God – a God of truth. We don’t see it as offending God at all if we say.. “I’m nothing – I’m a nobody – I have no value/ no significance - but it does!”
II. TRUTH – John 8:32 “you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free” – Explain ‘truth’… could be the truth of our ‘problem’ – identifying what it is and why it is what it is…
For example some of the problems/ traps we fall into if we struggle in this area of significance are: (these come from the book S for S by Robert McGee – class, group offered at LCC )
* The Performance Trap – “I must meet certain standards in order to feel good about myself”
* Approval Addict – “I must be approved / accepted by certain others to feel good about myself.”
* The Blame Game – Those who fail are unworthy of love and deserve to be punished.. I blame others for my being the way I am.. It's their fault I am this way.. If they would only... " "
* Shame – “I am what I am. I cannot change. I am hopeless.” Shames says "I am a mistake".. not.. " I make mistakes'
When God made us – we are His creation coming from Adam & Eve -- Gen 3:1-6 – Adam & Eve were the greatest achievement in God’s creation. – VERY GOOD! – everything else was ‘good’. But humans – were very good! – made in God’s image. They were perfect in every way. They were successful, happy, and full of self-worth/ significance. All of it came crashing down when Satan’s deception gave birth to sin in their lives. They lost their self-worth because the sin of rebellion separated them from God which they have passed on to all who have come after them .. me and you… We too are guilty of not trusting God to meet our need for love and acceptance. Why?
I believe that some of it has to do with ignorance, lack of training and information, it also has to do with sins that were committed against us at very vulnerable times in our lives (causes a lack of trust) or choices we have made based upon lies we believe - independence. All of which create brokenness of heart – brokenness of the perfect image given to us by God – His thumbprint so to speak on our lives.
Examples THAT mar our significance/ value/worth..
rejected – sometimes by those closest to us – a parent shows favoritism – siblings – peers – a spouse/ boyfriend
we fail – perfectionist – we fail again – bad choices – hurt ourselves & others
victim of abuse – we are horribly hurt or traumatized
publicly humiliated – feel inferior because I am made fun of --appearance, grades, economic status –
I am a mistake… I am bad! Different than everyone else..
We then attempt to fix the brokenness on our own:
PERFORMANCE -- can’t keep it up –we withdraw from risks, we manipulate to hide our imperfections or attempts to succeed.
We attempt to become the best employee, the best friend, the best Mom, wife, the best Christian etc.. my story..
APPROVAL-- we become Pleasers – high in guilt, high in love
codependency: losing oneself in others – your children, your spouse – don’t know how to say ‘no’ Gal 1:10 – Living Translation “Obviously, I’m not trying to be a people pleaser! NO, I a trying to please God. If I were still trying to please people, I would not be Christ’s servant.” WOW – that’s strong --
we begin to withdraw from others or we have superficial relationships – lack of intimacy ‘in to me see’ – we won’t allow it (no one knows the REAL you – shut down emotionally – wear a mask or… we come Controllers – low in love, low in guilt – protect our image – Jeckell & Hyde syndrome
BLAME GAME - withdraw from God and others – blame everyone else for personal failures in order to protect the ‘mouse-sized’ esteem we have left. Walk around with a chip on our shoulder.. anger smoldering just beneath the service….
SHAME – isolation – hide – or.. have superficial relationships at best -- attempt to change outward appearance – ‘The Swan’ tv show – plastic surgery
· Deep sense of Inferiority -
· Habitually Destructive Behavior –
· Self-pity –
· Passivity –
· Isolation and withdrawal –
· Loss of Creativity – (talents stifled)
· Codependent relationships –
· Despising our appearance –
Scripture says: “We will know the truth & the truth will make us free”
What is freedom? Liberty – not enslaved or imprisoned – to untangle
Tonight I want you to be able to start taking the path in becoming free of seeking your security and purpose from worldly sources – personal success, status, beauty, wealth and the approval of others – which does NOT equal significance!
“freedom” – to do whatever I want? – NO – for most of us.. freedom = I no longer have to do what I always did! - = bondage
TOOLS –
Biblical Examples – Moses, Abraham, Esther, Deborah, Paul, Gideon
How can we change? How did they change? Knowledge isn’t enough to produce change – even tho identifying the problem is half the battle, how do we get to the solution? Even knowledge about God or memorizing Scripture – it isn’t enough .. Human beings are relational, physical, emotional and spiritual beings. We develop and learn when we put ourselves in an environment of growth which includes all the elements of honesty, affirming relationships in community, right thinking, the ministry of the Holy Spirit and time. Then……we practice patience and persistence. 'Keep showing up'!!!
One tool that is similar to the one you were introduced to at our first class was this:
1. Identify the lies you believe and why..
2. Use the truth model (write down the discovery):
T Trigger Event – life situation that happens to us.. sometimes a ‘nickel event’ can go up to a $500 event – we are stirred up – triggered and there is more emotion there than the situation warrants or.. we lose perspective… if this happens it will lead to…
R W Rong thinking - Thoughts about the event. Perception, unrealistic thinking, faulty thinking
U Unhealthy Response – Emotional reaction, could be an action that is not objective/ unhealthy – lash out / withdraw/ act out..
T Truth about the situation (get outside input /counsel if needed) Challenge the R with truth. Ask yourself.. ask God What is the truth? Meditate on His response.. listen..
H Healthy Response/ reaction --maturity begins to be the reward of thinking and meditating on the truth.. This is not about positive thinking .. it is about truth thinking… some things will have to be made known to us experientially however, Book: Nice girls don’t change the world – by Lynne Hybels -- depression – living her life through her husband – fulfilling her duty for Christ – burn out by performance… ‘she had an experience with Christ – changed her forever – we all need to experience truth in this way’ ..
her words: ‘Knowing oneself loved by God is not a matter of knowing about God’s love. It’s not a matter of saying the right words or even claiming the right beliefs. It’s about something that happens on a level deeper than words and ideas and knowledge and thoughts. It’s something that gets inside someone’s soul and never leaves’..
You see it is His love that will change us… It is experiencing God – experiencing Jesus – experiencing the Holy Spirit.. We WILL get up from that moment changed forever!
IV. TREASURE – discovery of who we really are.. Significance means – fully loving and accepting ourselves because we are completely loved and accepted by God.
God’s equation is Significance/ Self-Worth = God’s Truth About You.. PERIOD… Hebrews 10:10 we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. “Because by one sacrifice He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.” What we are doing in this treasure discovery is peeling away at the things that keep us from genuinely knowing the truth that already is… we just don’t believe it.. so, we peel away the lies – one by one..
2 Thes 1:2 – The Message.. “Our God gives you everything you need, makes you everything you’re to be.”
What some of us fear more than anything else is each other! We fear that someone else’s success may make us look bad. Fear others’ choices because they may invalidate my choices. We fear getting close because if people really know what’s inside, they will reject us. We fear being exposed – fear the unknown…
If we are going to live courageously for God – we have to begin to trust…. If we are going to be people of significance –we must delve deeply into the truth of who we are, ground ourselves daily in the healing and empowering love of God……..
We are fully accepted - fully loved.. no matter what we’ve done or what has been done to us… Our value and worth has not changed!!! We are significant in Christ!!!!
May we be people who acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses – men and women who are dependent on and radically alive for God!
May we not be afraid to weep.
May we be strong and gentle leaders.
May we pray deeply from the depths of our souls and allow the God of the Universe who created us .. meet us in that place.
May we dismantle abusive systems and silence lies with the truth!
May we never hesitate to let God’s passion push us, compel us, and righteous anger energize us.
May we be dangerous men & women – Men & Women who sing songs of joy and talk down fear!!! – knowing who we are in Him!!!
GROUP WORK
SELF LIES (PART 1)
1. What is the world’s equation for our value? How does this equation get internalized by us?
2. Discuss the different definitions shared tonight – any 'ah ha' moments… share 1-2 of what you personally believe about yourself currently in each of these.
3. What are the traps we fall into if we do not have the proper view of ‘self’? Which traps do you identify with the most?
Performance, Approval, Blame, Shame
4. Share your experience in personal inventory – (Utilizing the telescope of the Holy Spirit). Have you spend time recently on this and identified lies?
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