LIES WE BELIEVE – SELF LIES (PART 2)
These are the brief notes... content in its entirety is in the audio.
“Nothing is so easy as to deceive one’s self; for what we wish we readily believe” – Demosthenes
EXAMPLES OF SELF LIES
· My worth is determined by my performance; THEREFORE, I must be perfect.
· I can’t help the way I am
· I must have everyone’s or at the very least ‘certain others’ love and approval
· It’s easier to avoid problems than to face them
· Physical beauty matters more than inner beauty
· I should not have to live with unfulfilled longings
· My unhappiness is someone else’s fault; THEREFORE, I can’t be happy unless things go my way.
Lie #1 My worth is determined by my performance; THEREFORE, I must be perfect.
What are the characteristics of a perfectionist?
Dr. David Burns' definition: “I do not mean the healthy pursuit of excellence by men and women who take genuine pleasure in striving to meet high standards. Without concern for quality, life would seem shallow; true accomplishment would be rare. The perfectionists are those whose standards are high beyond reach or reason, people who strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals and who measure their self-worth entirely in terms of productivity and accomplishment.”
Overcoming Perfectionism:
1. Accept that perfectionism is self defeating.
Beating it will demand that you.. …
2. Allow yourself to make the same mistakes that other mortals make.
3. focus on doing your best and not worrying how you compare to others.
4. let good enough b good enough.
5. be willing to see mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow rather than a launching pad for self-hate and condemnation.
6. focus on making progress toward a goal rather than demanding to be right now
Lie #2 I must have everyone’s or at the very least ‘certain others’ love and approval
Lie #3 It’s easier to avoid problems than to face them
The Road Less Traveled: “Fearing the pain involved, almost all of us, to a greater or lesser degree, attempt to avoid problems. We procrastinate, hoping that they will go away. We ignore them, forget them, pretend they do not exist…We attempt to get out of them rather than suffer through them.”
What are some examples of how this plays out in people’s lives?
Lie #4 My unhappiness is someone else’s fault; THEREFORE, I can’t be happy unless things go my way.
What are some of the hurtful labels many of us grew up with that we are attempting to shake?
Where did they come from?
A parent, yourself, spouse, sibling, employer, physical characteristics, former failures, childhood peers/ comments
Changing our thoughts starts with finding out what we think about most….
What do you think about and dwell on the most?
Your needs, plans, fears, future, rights, wishes, failures,
Body, insecurities, pride, faith, family, situations, others needs, the condition of our world, the past
Hosea 2:14-20 (Amplified Bible)—Personalize these passages
15There I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor [troubling] to be for her a door of hope and expectation. And she shall sing there and respond as in the days of her youth and as at the time when she came up out of the land of Egypt.(A)
16And it shall be in that day, says the Lord, that you will call Me Ishi [my Husband], and you shall no more call Me Baali [my Baal].
17For I will take away the names of Baalim [the Baals] out of her mouth, and they shall no more be mentioned or seriously remembered by their name.
18And in that day will I make a covenant for Israel with the living creatures of the open country and with the birds of the heavens and with the creeping things of the ground. And I will break the bow and the sword and [abolish battle equipment and] conflict out of the land and will make you lie down safely.
19And I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in steadfast love, and in mercy.
20I will even betroth you to Me in stability and in faithfulness, and you shall know (recognize, be acquainted with, appreciate, give heed to, and cherish) the Lord.
$20 exercise
Final statement : Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you.. priceless to the God who created you..
The worth/ significance of our lives comes not in what we do, who we know, or what people think, but by WHO WE ARE!
We are fully accepted - fully loved.. no matter what we’ve done or what has been done to us… Our value and worth has not changed!!! We are significant in Christ!!!!
May we be people who acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses – men and women who are dependent on and radically alive for God!
May we not be afraid to weep.
May we be strong and gentle leaders.
May we pray deeply from the depths of our souls and allow the God of the Universe who created us .. meet us in that place.
May we dismantle abusive systems and silence lies with the truth!
May we never hesitate to let God’s passion push us, compel us, and righteous anger energize us.
May we be dangerous women – Women who sing songs of joy and talk down fear!!! – knowing who we are in Him!!!
Group Work – Self-Lies
1. Lie #1, I Must Be Perfect: Share about a time in your life past or present that is evidence of this lie possibly being active in your life.
2. Lie #2, I Must Have Everyone’s Love and Approval: Discuss ways this lie would present itself in the lives of people in our churches, the work place, our families.
3. Lie #3, It is easier to Avoid Problems than to Face Them:
Discuss the negative impact of not facing problems.
4. Lie #4, I Can’t Be Happy Unless Things Go My Way: This lie can be a little less obvious than the others and can challenge our long time belief that people ‘make’ us feel and react in certain ways. Discuss the challenge this presents to all of us and what your prior understanding has been.
5. Share the labels you have carried with you throughout your life and where they came from.
Homework:
Look up the following and write out a corresponding ‘truth label’ for you.
2 cor 5:17, Eph 1:7-8, 2 Tim 1:7, col 2:9-10, Phil 4:13, Zeph 3:17, ro 8:17, col 3:12, 1 Pet 2:9-10
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